My husband is 94, I am 82 . We have been married 59 years. He has dementia and no longer uses his legs because his knees hurt from arthritis. He cannot walk any more. I cannot lift him. He sleeps almost all the time now and only eats purée and drinks Ensure. I can't leave him alone at all.,but he is otherwise healthy. I think he is winding down.
Sorry to hijack your thread Bigg, but sometimes that's how it goes on these threads, one thing leads to another in our experience with Caregiving!
One thing that does have me worried however, is that my FIL has 20 or so picture albums from their kids growing up, to the many different vacations and cruises that my inlaws took, many with us, over the years, and he won't even look at them. I'm trying to figure out if it's because it's too painful to bring up my deseased MIL, or is he just not interested? I would like to get them out, and look through them with him, but every time I have brought it up, he declines, and I don't push the issue. It's sad really, as I'd like to look at them, but won't upset him, if thats what it's all about. Id hate to think that in the 13 years since she's been gone, he couldn't look through them and be reminded of the many happy times they had together!
Like Dad rode a horse to school, all 12 years, which I thought was so cool. And how he got a traffic ticket while going home when his horse ran a STOP sign. That was one story I didn't mind hearing 100 times.
I'm glad your son is nearby; but I know that our children, no matter how loving, are not the same as our friends and soul-mates. Is there much of a social scene in the condo?
I imagine you have a 20 hour week min with the caregiver ? Is it possible to change to 5 days a week for 4 hours at a time ? I know even this must be expensive but some agency's have 2 hour slots to do bedtime checks if you need help in the evening
It does sound like you need more help, as in more hours of care givers in your home, if you intend on staying there. Is this something you can afford, or will his insurance pick up some of the payment for such? There are programs like PACE, Which is covered by Medicaid, if he is eligible for Medicaid, which goes by your total monthly income.
What an amazing story you have, being married for so long! I'll bet you do have stories! Do you 2 have kids who could come in and pick up a few hours here and there? Unfortunately, as we get older, we just need more help, and if that means it's time to move together into an Assisted living facility, that might be the best thing for the both of you!
There are many gorgeous facilities, and you would probably enjoy being around other seniors and people in your peer group, participating in all of the many activities, which would take a lot of the work of caring for him, off of your shoulders. He could be safe snoozing away in your apartment, while you are off enjoying the socialization of friend and activities, right down the hall!
I have only recently been touring such facilities for consideration for my FIL now 86 (almost 87), and although he is a loner, I hope that once in such a place, he might join in, as he does like to talk, but in our home (where he has lived with us these past 13 years) he doesn't chat alot as we've all heard all his stories, and know about his life experiences. I wish we had pushed him to be independent much earlier, but live and learn, as they say!
You have definitely come to the right place, as there are So Many very experienced caregivers on this site, so keep looking through all the different threads or posts, to learn more about how to make your life easier and better for the both of you! Good Luck!
Harold is not interested in anything any more. He plays games on his I-pad when he is awake and watches very little TV. Can't follow it any more. But he still knows us and listens to us chat, without participating.
Sorry, I'm venting 😏
Right now he is asleep since this morning and doesn't want lunch. Should I insist on eating or let him call the shots?
My parents who both were in their mid to late 90's [both still lived in their house] would sleep through the night, then had a nap after breakfast, then another one after lunch, a nap before dinner, then a long nap after dinner.
Yes, arthritic knees can really hurt, my Dad had painful knees and the doctor prescribed "Voltaren Gel" lotion which really did help... it got Dad walking again, enough for him to get around the house.
I see from your profile you still live at home... any chance of moving to Independent Living/Assisted Living? Hubby might sleep less if he is in activities with people from your generation. And you wouldn't need to worry about lifting him, you can call the Staff to do that.
In northern Virginia are a lot of excellent Independent Living/Assisted Living facilities to choose from. Go on the internet and type in "retirement-living Sourcebook" which will give you info on all the retirement facilities.