My mother was insistant she record her wishes in an INFORMAL type of will. There was no real estate, no money, only one bank account POD to me, and her 5k life insurance. Her belongings furniture etc, actually belongs to me, and has for some 30 years. I was going to move also but changed my mind. After my dad died in 2012 mum became almost crazy with wanting to make sure there wouldn't be any problems, or question as to what belonged to who. Neither mum or I really for a second thought that anyone would fight for something they KNEW already belonged to me. Anyway, 2 yrs ago we sat down and hand wrote her wishes, in which it was clearly stated what she wanted, how the life insurance & any remaining cash was to be spent. I was the sole beneficiary of the life insurance, & her designated representative.
I had to literally force mum to leave something (pictures, wine glasses etc) to my brother. In the end we just stated that I was to decide what was to be given.
Out of the life insurance etc, final expenses to be taken out, the cost of moving items from MO to CA, and repayment of any monies spent to care for her etc.
In the end I ended up with a massive negative cash flow.
I won't bore you with all that happened, but surficed to say, I havent spoken with my brother since leaving.
As I drove through horrible storms in a 16ft truck, he texted me demanding accounting of mums money. (7k was all left including life insurance). & copy of will... which I sent on my return home.
Now he is demanding I pretend he is probate judge, and give account of ANY & ALL accounts open/closed, out standing debt, copy of will, and life insurance, and ANY & ALL documents/expenses pertaining to OUR parents affairs. Remember dad died in 2012 and mum 2014.
What is he entitled to? Other than a copy of her will if you could call it that.
He wasn't on the life insurance, so do I have to provide that?
What the **** would you do???
You were her designated representative in what sense? Did you hold a formal POA before her passing away?
What you're looking for is any kind of formal status to your handling of your mother's affairs. Has anyone else at all been involved?
Is this hand-written "will" in her hand or yours?
The thing is, whether or not your brother is entitled to know every last detail, you could be required to account for how your mother's assets, income and now estate were managed. Can you, if you have to?
Keep track of everything. You should see a lawyer. Your brother is probably entitled to half of everything. She died without a will, so your state's succession laws come into play.
Yes, I can account for everything.
When we got her life insurance of 5k, I asked for my brother for his SS# so I could have him on the policy as #2, but he refused to give it.
I have every receipt of every dime I spent before & after mum died.
My mother's only assets after life insurance, and the maybe $1,200 left in bank account (which I had to use to pay for her spend down, rent and groceries) were items such as, pictures, TV (which I bought for my dad) a carpet which she gave me, a table which she also gave me, and other misc household items. The day after she died, my brother walked in and took a pyres bowl, and a baking pan, stating *Well, we gave these to her*, so I think it's ok that I keep the TV!
I can't believe I said that.
If he wishes to take me to court, I have no problem with that, other than I have no money to pay a lawyer. Also, he knew ALL about the *will*/notation of her wishes, I told him, and complained bitterly about it, I even asked him what he wanted, to which he answered *nothing*.
IF there was any money left AFTER everything was paid, she wanted to have her ashes scattered where my father is, BUT ONLY IF there was anything left, She clearly stated no one was to go into debt before or after her death. Then, IF after those wishes were met, there was anything left, it was to be split between us.
In the letter he sent me, (typed on the back of a JC Penny flyer), he says, he regrets not getting involved, or playing a part in their lives, and affairs.
So first I'd do some research to confirm that the will was legal. If so, the issue of dying intestate might be moot.
It doesn't seem as if there was much of an estate after your mother died, and I'm assuming that you inventoried her assets, such as they were. You could send a copy of that to your brother. I don't see, however, that he's entitled to any information on her finances prior to her death.
As to his demand for "everything" on your father's affairs, either make him be specific or just send him a copy of an inventory and disposition of assets.
I do suspect, though, that his intention is not to get information but to harass and make trouble, so protect yourself, document everything you do and send to him and don't be surprised what he'll come up with.
For those assets that were either held jointly with, and/or passed directly to you, they were outside the estate and don't need to be accounted for to your brother.
But I would definitely check on the legality and requirements for holographic wills in the state in which your mother resided as your first step.
So my understanding of facts: No house. 5K life insurance to you. Small bank account POD to you only used for final expenses and reimburse your expenses incurred in caring for mother as outlined in her holographic will.
Your father died in 2012. Your mother was sole heir and I assume was executor of will as spouse. There was not a distribution of assets mentioned in will that granted your brother anything or brother would have been given the items. Your brother did not choose to be involved at that point and didn't challenge any will or property distribution in 2012 through current date. If you had a copy of father's will and you were the executor and he were mentioned, you could send him a copy if you were inclined. Unless you were executor and he was mentioned in will, you really don't owe him anything. Your mother might have, but she's gone now. If there was no will and mother inherited all as surviving spouse, nothing you can give. Oopsy - waited too long to contact mom - too bad, so sad.
If you've already provided him a copy of mother's will, a copy of the life insurance (which shows that he is NOT mentioned as a beneficiary), a rough inventory of house contents (noting who was actual property owner), and list of bank accounts and income and what was NOT left, you've done more than your fair share.
Often people who had little involvement in care decide there is some huge cash pile or valuable items being kept from them. I think it has to do with the idea that caregiving would not have been done without some big money payout at the end. This kind of narcissist cannot comprehend caring for a loved one because you want their life ending to be with family and at home.
Your brother is trying to bully you. My brother and executrix sister had some head-butting after my mom died. He was *convinced* that she had a huge final payout for pension to leave from teacher retirement. Turned out that Mom had chosen an option that left $10K at her death to my sister as executor which covered her cremation and niche. That pension option paid Mom extra during her lifetime. Mom used it to travel and help my brother/SIL and his grandkids for college. Her artwork was not valuable, her furniture was not antique, and an old "Persian" carpet that family thought was valuable was trashed by animals and not "Persian" at all - a 1920's knockoff:) My brother took Mom's car as part of his payout and received 1/3 of house value in cash from my sister since he didn't want to wait for it to sell. Later when she sold it, he wanted to have a share of any profit that she made (after repairs, there wasn't one)...
If he finds a lawyer, then I would pull the rest of the info together. Unless there is an obvious payout (you are moving to mansion on hill or suddenly wearing gold jewelry and traveling mucho in changed lifestyle) most lawyers won't touch his huffing. Seagulls - fly in, make a lot of noise, eat other's food, sh*t on everything, then fly off again. Enjoy your memories of your parents - leave him his legacy of guilt.
And I agree with your colorful assessment of seagulls and the likelihood of an attorney suing. Attorneys aren't likely to waste their time suing when there's little if any likelihood of recovery.
One even prolonged his cameo appearance by taking personal phone calls from his girlfriend and arranging his luncheon dates. I was SOOOO impressed - not!
At least seagulls are graceful.
A few cards a year and one Christmas present don't add up to caregiving.