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My mother was insistant she record her wishes in an INFORMAL type of will. There was no real estate, no money, only one bank account POD to me, and her 5k life insurance. Her belongings furniture etc, actually belongs to me, and has for some 30 years. I was going to move also but changed my mind. After my dad died in 2012 mum became almost crazy with wanting to make sure there wouldn't be any problems, or question as to what belonged to who. Neither mum or I really for a second thought that anyone would fight for something they KNEW already belonged to me. Anyway, 2 yrs ago we sat down and hand wrote her wishes, in which it was clearly stated what she wanted, how the life insurance & any remaining cash was to be spent. I was the sole beneficiary of the life insurance, & her designated representative.
I had to literally force mum to leave something (pictures, wine glasses etc) to my brother. In the end we just stated that I was to decide what was to be given.
Out of the life insurance etc, final expenses to be taken out, the cost of moving items from MO to CA, and repayment of any monies spent to care for her etc.
In the end I ended up with a massive negative cash flow.
I won't bore you with all that happened, but surficed to say, I havent spoken with my brother since leaving.
As I drove through horrible storms in a 16ft truck, he texted me demanding accounting of mums money. (7k was all left including life insurance). & copy of will... which I sent on my return home.
Now he is demanding I pretend he is probate judge, and give account of ANY & ALL accounts open/closed, out standing debt, copy of will, and life insurance, and ANY & ALL documents/expenses pertaining to OUR parents affairs. Remember dad died in 2012 and mum 2014.
What is he entitled to? Other than a copy of her will if you could call it that.
He wasn't on the life insurance, so do I have to provide that?

What the **** would you do???

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You asked what we think. I think you are going to wear yourself out with this project, sending it in the mail, waiting for him to get the mail, then pick up the mail, monitoring the return of the unclaimed mail...all that has nothing to do with what is really going on with you. Just you, not brother. This is just an alarming symptom, in my experience and opinion. Now get yourself to a counselor, one that you pay, not your husband, because I am guessing he has already said something like, "Let it go". For your own health, I am passing this on to you for your own health. Don't feel bad about asking for help. It could be something simple that will pass,, but find out. Sorry that this is happening. You lost both parents, but you still have a good husband, right? Sometimes we just cannot let things go because no one understands in what way they are important to us.
Here's a challenge for you. Google on YOUTUBE the song "Let it go" from the movie. If you can't get through that, or the tears don't help you, or if the tears don't stop, then agree to go for a little help. Take care.
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Pick up the phone and call him. Much the simplest and quickest way to find out if he wants the dam' info or doesn't he.
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Second Maggie's suggestion on the e-mail; add a "read receipt" returned when you send the e-mail. He may not sign it but at least you've tried to "cover all your bases."

(If he asks you again for the information, tell him you've exhausted your postage budget and ask him to forward money for postage to you!)
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If you have his email address, send him an email to that effect. Print out the email and save it. If he doesn't have an email address, forget it. Just save the notice the post office will send back to you indicating it was unclaimed.
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Just me again.... To everyone who has kindly posted ..... Here's a question. My brother still has not picked up the package that contains his request. The 15 days will be up tomorrow 7th July, then it will be mailed back to me. As i mentioned before, I had to have contact via email back in June, and reminded him he had something to pick up at the Post Office.... Should I send him an email and remind him... give him basically a last chance to pick it up? 3/4's of me says NO...tough luck dude, but that one 1/4 of me keeps saying, maybe something happened and he didn't HIMSELF see/get the notice from the PO... what do you think??
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And it is disgusting that they thought they should be able to have it JoAnn

I have seen before where there has been a clause in the will that if there can be no amicable division and there is so much as 1 disagreement then it is ALL sold and then the money is divided which I personally think is something that SHOULD happen BUT then you would always get the nasty inheritor who didnt get what THEY wanted so kicked up in order that NOONE got what they were left. A sort of if I can't have it you arent having it either type of attitude
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My BIL was executor to MIL. He did nothing without asking us first. A neighbor had visited with both brothers when they stayed at MILs b/f her funeral. They asked if they could purchase certain pcs of furniture. It was agreed on by the two brothers with us in the loop. A woman was hired to do an estate sale. She was given a list of the items sold to the couple. Do u know while the woman was getting the house ready, this couple came over saying that besides what they bought, MIL had told them they could have other pieces. Same with anothe neighbor, she had promised them things. Sons had always talked to these two neighbors but nothing was said about any of them about items promised to them. TG the woman stuck to what BIL had written. These were neighbors MIL thought a lot of. Its not just relatives that come out of the woodwork. My MIL had a habit of telling people that said they liked something, they could have itwhen she died. But, she never wrote it down.
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Ah but according to Dad it is money itself although I agree with you Babalou it is the love or desire to grab every bloody penny that cause all the problems. Those vultures just sit there doing sod all watching and waiting for the elder to die and then in they come fighting and squabbling over who is going to have what. Interesting though that they never thought about Paul's other comment in his letter to the Corinthians where he said He which/who soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly (hey this isn't bad coming from a non believer is it?) somewhere in amongst all of that for then it would be a different story.

Wouldn't it be really good if the state said listen we know you cared for your Mum Dad whoever for 8 years and we know we only cared for them for 8 months so we are going to evaluate the estate at the time they went into our care and share that between you and us in the same ratio - in this envelope is your 12/13 back and thank you for doing that for your loved one. Oh and as for you who phoned now and again but never lent a hand or lifted a finger this is your gift - and then gift them an empty envelope each.

OK I have gone into la la land again!
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The LOVE of money is the root of all evil, according to St. Paul, not money itself.
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Please.....I have the same problem with six siblings.....seems like dad was right,,,,money IS the root of evil..Saw no one for the past 3 years,no help,no support....once again,I seen the seagulls flying in.....what a great way to put it!
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hm, interesting; guess never thought about it that way, but guess more in this case, guess somewhat more surprised it's having to be willed at all; did he not have anything in her name? maybe not...pretty sure she was at least a 2nd wife; at least pretty sure he has children by a previous marriage but don't think they had anything to do with him; suspect she was his "trophy" wife; know he was quite a bit older and had a 2nd family with her; another provision in the will was nobody - even her, even if she didn't remarry, which she hasn't - got anything until the youngest child turns 22, which may be coming up soon, especially thinking, since the guy she's living with it retiring this year
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Oh debs that is control beyond the grave isn't it? I really think that this type of will should have a time limit on it. Yes OK if you marry within 2 years or even 5 but a forever clause like that is plain wrong. My view is give it or don't but don't pi$$ about with someone's life like that and it's about time the courts stood up to that.
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Here in AL just found out tonight - confirmed - that the reason that the widow of the owner of the biggest radio station here has never remarried but just lived with the local fire chief - after meeting him through volunteering in the dept. - is because he left a clause in his will that if she remarried she got/gets nothing
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Guessing that by now you would be all explained out. Looks like you have done everything possible, and went out of your way for brother. I know when something like this is going on, just the waiting for confirmation can keep one on edge. Please check back if you need any support, or just to update us. What are you going to have as a celebration when all this is settled?
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Sendme2help & DaveIFM.... I registered, & certified it, with a receipt of signature to be sent back to me.There were/are documents such as death certs in there... besides, to avoid any further/possible agrument that I hadn't sent it I thought it wise to get it certified etc. I have been tracking it also. I had to have email contact with him last week on another matter, in the email I reminded him he had a package at the PO to be picked up. Dave... I say *Informal* because mum (and I) didn't believe it was necessary to go through getting a legal will drawn up, simply because there wasn't anything being left... My mother just wanted to make sure that somewhere there would be something that left her final wishes, and that items that belonged to me were noted as such. We went back and forth with this will thing, she was, what I thought at the time, being overly concerned. She felt that no one, if they wanted to, could or would challenge what she put in writing and signed. As the only 2 people who would, would be me or my brother. And no nothing went to probate, a few pictures, a tv and other odds & sods, would be all that a court could probate... aside from the fact that there was no money left to pay for that.
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I don't hink online forms are the answer to everything. But when you need to update executors or you move to a new state and wnat to make your health and your will documents conform to your new state's specific issues, I have fond quick, simple and consistent. If I was setting upa new trust, I would probably go to a lawyer,
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I think the rationale behind that clause is because in realistic terms I could easily persuade (and would have always been able to I might add) my mum to leave in my favour and to have set that clause in place. I choose to be totally hands off when it comes to wills etc - I don't want my hands anywhere near it. She wants to change her will right now and can't - boy is she pissy about it but the diagnosis o dementia makes that impossible although I do have to say I would disagree but then I think ....no she can choose - perfectly able to choose but as to rationalising decisions? no not so much
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Jude, good information on the Texas law. We're not in Texas (couldn't stand all that heat and wild weather), but I will verify that Michigan doesn't have such a law. I'm curious now as well - if I had access to Westlaw I could find out if there have been any cases that challenged it. I'm interested to also research it and find out how "good faith" is defined.

It was one of our attorneys who suggested the clause, but one never knows what the rascals in the state legislature have been up to (besides going on junkets, spending money and redecorating offices - one actually did his office in the "Downton Abbey" style).

Thanks for the tip.
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I actually like the idea of an in terrorem clause....it's a sort of make my day b**ch - this is my decision not anyone else's. Actually though before you all rush to do so Texas law has not supported this one hundred per cent they have a law that says you can contest the will if your contest is in good faith and is not a frivolous means to delay payment. Just for info xxx
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My3Kids, did you raise the issue of disinheriting someone with the first attorney? If not, he/she would have no reason to assume it was an issue.

Raise it with your next attorney to ensure it's handled properly.

BTW, using online forms is NEVER the same as hiring an attorney. "Ask" the online forms website some specific tax issues, such as the taxation rate on inherited IRAS. Ask it to explain tax compression rates. Ask about an in terrorem clause. See if it can answer.
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my grandfather left something like that that, no, was never registered - but then on the other hand the court told us no will is registered until the person actually passes away
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What is a INFORMAL type of will ?

Was the will ever registered with a probate court?
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I am 1 of two adopted children and as far as I know (and I do know to be fair) I am the sole beneficiary along with my 2 children. My sibling has been a rogue (not a lovable one I might add) all his adult life (from being 15 until now - he is 66) - he has stolen, defrauded, harboured illegal immigrants, drriven whilst under the influence of drink, done drugs you name it he has done and some of it to family members (my mother being one of them).

He has had no contact with Mum except to ask for money (duplicitously or outright - he has done both) in 17 years so when Mum wrote her will she decided to cut him from it completely. The solicitor said there would almost certainly be a challenge if she did not address this (I think however this would apply to any child adopted or otherwise). With that in mind she sat and wrote a letter to her son explaining WHY she was leaving him nothing and the solicitor witnessed it.

This may be the best explanation I can give to anyone wanting to omit someone from a will
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I heard stories from 2 friends of contested wills and was given advice on leaving the $1. But our lawyer never mentioned that. In fact he never explained what would be the best way to transfer deed of this house for tax purposes. But thats a different story. I am looking into a lawyer next week who cares enough to explain the law. I spent tons of money for this one to throw everything at his parralegal and she was a mess. I agree with online forms if it is the same as hiring an attorney. But i sure would rather have a attorneys name behind everything. I want to sleep at night lol.
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Chessafro: Give it some time, 10 days for receipt, 10 days to answer or at least say he got it. How have you found out he hasn't got it? What are you expecting to happen? Hoping this contact/no contact is not torturing your heart and mind. Go ahead with your life, call him or don't call him, you don't need a resolution to the package or to even mention it to him to continue your relationship. Try that.
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Good for you! Handled with graciousness -- he doesn't need to know the ranting you (& we did for you) in the background. :)
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UPDATE: My brother still hasn't picked up the package containing his **request** for accounting etc. I think those of you who said he was doing this because he wanted to create problems etc were right....I reckon he got a Bee in his Bonnet and acted because his wife had 10 Bee's in her bonnet!... Did that make sense? lol
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Go see a laser let him tell you if your right then have him write a letter and tell him to back off keep a copy of the letter for your own file copy it and he keeps bugging you send out a copy to who every rights he loves you he will back off he doesn't then money is a cancer eating at his heart no one should choose money over family but sorry to say some do as fare as I see he has no legal ground he just hopes you give in then he still won't talk to you
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Great advice & support from your husband .... kept the emotion out of the accounting, which is what you brother won't expect.
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happened in a sense to my dad and mom's will; the nephew he'd named as - co-executor, I believe, at the time, unexpectedly passed away before they did, so he went back and took them both off and just made me the only one - I really did hate that; I was looking forward to having somebody else be in charge, or at least help, not me have to have all that responsibility; thought he would replace him with his brother, that he somewhat looked to after that but it wasn't quite the same and think he didn't want that responsibility either
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