I live a few hours from my Mom. I moved to the same state to be nearer to her as she no longer could travel after 86 on her own very healthy, to visit. My step-sisters, who I consider my sisters, have POA financial and medical, after she had a heart incident. She has done well but they have canceled two planned visits for me to see her, for reasons that were she didn't want visitors, then seeing posts on FB of her with mere strangers staying at her house. I've been in direct contact with her by phone for 6 months. Now, two weeks before I'm supposed to go after moving and waiting for this, they've emailed another change is needed for her. Can I go, I just talked to her 4 days ago. I know she has dementia but not severe, her walking is bad, that's okay. She has gotten more excited with each conversation just being with us. Can I still go if they say I can't?I need help to know how to do a good job best for my Mom and still see her. I don't think she has too much time left but she's healthy except for managed afib. Thank you.
Are you aware of any reasons they might have to shut you out? Have they moved people into her house who shouldn't be there, or anything like that?
1) Is M living in her own house? Or the S’s house? Please give details.
2) Who put the “posts on FB of her with mere strangers staying at her house”? If it was S, who did they say the strangers were? Were they living or visiting?
3) What is the “change” that the S’s want, and why “is it needed for her”.
4) Are you willing to go, whatever the S’s say? Perhaps say that it’s too late to change the arrangements?
5) Could you ask anyone else local (friend? APS?) to visit, and tell you what is going on?
If you suspect the worst, you may need a lawyer to check out the finances and the POA details.
Please understand we are only getting your side of the story.
To answer your question whether they can prevent you from visiting (info aggregated from ChatGPT5.3):
"Not necessarily.
Having dementia and having a POA in place does not automatically mean your sisters can legally prohibit all visits. The answer depends on several factors:
If they only have POA
A Power of Attorney gives authority to act on your mother's behalf in areas covered by the document (financial, medical, etc.). It does not automatically give unlimited authority to isolate her from family members. Even if your mother has diminished capacity, POA agents are generally required to act:
In her best interests.
Consistent with her known wishes, values, and relationships.
Without self-dealing or unnecessarily restricting family contact.
If your mother has always had a close relationship with you and has expressed a desire to see you, that can be relevant.
If they are court-appointed guardians
That's different. A guardian often has broader authority over personal decisions, including visitation. However, even guardians are usually subject to court oversight and cannot simply isolate a person for arbitrary reasons. Courts generally look unfavorably on unnecessary family isolation.
Can you just show up?
Legally, that's risky and may escalate family conflict. If your mother lives in her own home and your sisters are managing her care, showing up against their wishes could create a confrontation that may not benefit your mother.
What I would do first - Ask your sisters directly and calmly:
"Has Mom said she does not want to see me, or is this a decision being made on her behalf? If it's being made on her behalf, can you help me understand why?"
You might also ask:
"What conditions would need to be met for a visit to happen?"
Their answer may tell you whether this is a legitimate caregiving concern or something else. If you believe your mother's wishes are being ignored
Consulting an elder-law attorney in your mother's state may be worthwhile. Many offer an initial consultation. The attorney can tell you:
Whether the POA document grants any authority regarding visitation.
Whether your state has laws protecting family visitation.
Whether court intervention is an option if family members are being excluded.
One thing stands out in your description: your mother appears to have been communicating with you by phone and looking forward to seeing you. Courts and elder-care professionals often consider an elder's expressed wishes, even when dementia is present, unless the person is completely unable to communicate preferences.
What state does your mother live in, and do you know whether your sisters have POA only or an actual court-appointed guardianship/conservatorship? That distinction is critical."
You would be a guest there. Having guests and entertaining may not be
wanted, especially if they are caregiving and the house is messy.
Offer to meet at a restaurant or park maybe. Ask for suggestions.
Or say you will be there only a short time, and can visit in the back yard or
if an apartment, maybe in the community room.
On the other end of the spectrum, ask the police to accommodate a welfare visit to the home with you present. It may be called a "civil assist". However, you don't want to upset Mom.
If you know her doctor, call or go there. Maybe they can accommodate a visit
when she comes to the doctor's office? Stranded, huh?
Or, rent an RV, when you visit, the visit can be in your RV. Call ahead.
Strange
Chances are mom's very fickle and not telling you all that's going on. She may not recall what she told you before, and anyway, those with dementia confabulate. This means they don't tell the truth, but they can't help that, it's a symptom of their dementia. Do you ever talk with your sisters? If not, maybe you should. They may be protecting you from certain truths.
I hope you get to see mom, and I wish you the best,
I am in agreement with most of the advice you've already received