I am at my mom’s and she has had such a good day, like her old normal self, that I am questioning my own sanity. It is hard to imagine this is the same woman who just a week ago couldn’t remember how my brother was related to her… I need to be reminded that I did the right thing by asking her doctor to take away her driving privileges! She is going to receive that letter within the next few days and man, is she going to be devastated. And right now I feel so bad because she seems like she could drive cross country and back with no issues. What the?
It’s temporary . She will decline.
She can’t be allowed to drive , she could snap back into confusion at any time including while behind the wheel.
You did the right thing.
Dementia is the disease that makes the caregiver feel crazy at times. It’s the disease with tentacles that squeezes the life out of the caregivers as well as the person with dementia.
Unless she had a temporary lack of judgement or confusion from a medical issue which has since been resolved. Do you know for certain that she has been properly diagnosed with a form of dementia?
I'm sure all of us feel that we are losing our sanity taking care of someone with dementia! I stopped in my tracks one night when I said "Good Night" to my husband, and he replied "Good Night" without thinking. He hasn't done that in 10 years. It's those small things that I treasure now.
I was the primary caregiver for my grandfather — apparently my parents felt caretaking responsibilities skipped a generation!
Although mentally my grandfather appeared sharp as a tack, I was concerned that his reaction time when driving would be too delayed if a child or animal ran across the road without warning.
Following my instincts, I told him I felt it was time for him to stop driving in his eighties especially since I took him everywhere but to Eating Together, an afternoon meal and socialization program that he drove to himself while I was at work that was less than ten minutes away from his home.
He refused to stop driving but did agree to make a deal with me that if the eye specialist I selected, who was the top eye doctor at a world-renown teaching hospital near us, said he needed to stop driving for safety reasons, he would.
When I took my grandfather in for an extensive eye exam, and even explained the concerns I had about him possibly not being able to react quickly enough to avoid an accident, the eye specialist not only said he was capable of driving, he admonished me for trying to take his license away.
When we walked out the clinic door, relishing in his success, he turned to me and said “See, I told you I can still drive! Now leave me alone.”
Fast forward just a few months later, and I received an emergency call at work from the director at the senior center telling me that the paramedics had just put him in an ambulance because he lost control in their parking lot and hit seven - seven! - parked cars before being stopped by a brick dumpster wall.
Apparently, he panicked while driving and instead of hitting the brake pedal, he kept hitting the gas. Although he was so severely injured, he ended up on a ventilator, he did somehow eventually recover and while he was hospitalized we arranged for the insurance company to dispose of his car.
Even though I continue to feel blessed that his stubbornness didn’t injure anyone else, how I wish I would have continued to listen to my gut and hadn’t dropped the issue no matter what that “expert” doctor’s opinion was, even if it meant reporting him to the police to make sure he was kept off the road.
People are quick to jump to labels, especially with the information you’ve provided on this site. If you have doubts, let her be reevaluated professionally. It’s a big decision to restrict someone’s freedom and create these life changing events. It’s better to have someone impartial guide you; unless in your head you already know the answer but your heart just doesn’t want to accept it.
I think summer allowed her to get outside in the sunshine a lot and pick up sticks and pine cones.
See All Answers