I am at my mom’s and she has had such a good day, like her old normal self, that I am questioning my own sanity. It is hard to imagine this is the same woman who just a week ago couldn’t remember how my brother was related to her… I need to be reminded that I did the right thing by asking her doctor to take away her driving privileges! She is going to receive that letter within the next few days and man, is she going to be devastated. And right now I feel so bad because she seems like she could drive cross country and back with no issues. What the?
It’s temporary . She will decline.
She can’t be allowed to drive , she could snap back into confusion at any time including while behind the wheel.
You did the right thing.
Dementia is the disease that makes the caregiver feel crazy at times. It’s the disease with tentacles that squeezes the life out of the caregivers as well as the person with dementia.
Unless she had a temporary lack of judgement or confusion from a medical issue which has since been resolved. Do you know for certain that she has been properly diagnosed with a form of dementia?
I'm sure all of us feel that we are losing our sanity taking care of someone with dementia! I stopped in my tracks one night when I said "Good Night" to my husband, and he replied "Good Night" without thinking. He hasn't done that in 10 years. It's those small things that I treasure now.
I was the primary caregiver for my grandfather — apparently my parents felt caretaking responsibilities skipped a generation!
Although mentally my grandfather appeared sharp as a tack, I was concerned that his reaction time when driving would be too delayed if a child or animal ran across the road without warning.
Following my instincts, I told him I felt it was time for him to stop driving in his eighties especially since I took him everywhere but to Eating Together, an afternoon meal and socialization program that he drove to himself while I was at work that was less than ten minutes away from his home.
He refused to stop driving but did agree to make a deal with me that if the eye specialist I selected, who was the top eye doctor at a world-renown teaching hospital near us, said he needed to stop driving for safety reasons, he would.
When I took my grandfather in for an extensive eye exam, and even explained the concerns I had about him possibly not being able to react quickly enough to avoid an accident, the eye specialist not only said he was capable of driving, he admonished me for trying to take his license away.
When we walked out the clinic door, relishing in his success, he turned to me and said “See, I told you I can still drive! Now leave me alone.”
Fast forward just a few months later, and I received an emergency call at work from the director at the senior center telling me that the paramedics had just put him in an ambulance because he lost control in their parking lot and hit seven - seven! - parked cars before being stopped by a brick dumpster wall.
Apparently, he panicked while driving and instead of hitting the brake pedal, he kept hitting the gas. Although he was so severely injured, he ended up on a ventilator, he did somehow eventually recover and while he was hospitalized we arranged for the insurance company to dispose of his car.
Even though I continue to feel blessed that his stubbornness didn’t injure anyone else, how I wish I would have continued to listen to my gut and hadn’t dropped the issue no matter what that “expert” doctor’s opinion was, even if it meant reporting him to the police to make sure he was kept off the road.
she can appeal/take tests but I’m sure the doctor took your mothers health into consideration and made the right decision
maybe you can open an account with a local taxi firm for when she wants to go out if you are unable to help
end of day your mother could end up having a fatal accident blacking out etc or could cause a fatal accident
let her appeal -
Review this website:
https://miravieseniorliving.com/memory-care/what-to-know-about-good-bad-days-with-dementia/
In part, it says:
Living with or caring for someone with dementia can feel like an emotional rollercoaster at times, as dementia affects our loved one’s cognitive abilities. It’s important to remember that good and bad days with dementia are just that—good and bad days. So, even on a “bad” day, it’s essential to remember that your loved one is still your loved one.
From moments of clarity and connection to challenging episodes of confusion or frustration, the experience is characterized by unpredictability.
Understanding that dementia comes with both good and bad days can help set realistic expectations and foster compassion.
This also highlights the importance of surrounding yourself with support as you care for your loved one. The necessary support will look different for everyone. It could be in the form of respite care in a qualified community or a memory care community for long-term care options.
Good Days vs. Bad Days with Dementia - A good day with dementia may involve meaningful interactions, moments of lucidity, or simply a calm demeanor. Imagine seeing your loved one laugh at an old family story, recognize their favorite song, or recall a cherished memory.
Their personality shines through on these days, and engaging with them feels effortless for everyone involved.
Good days are not always about memory recall—a positive mood or successful completion of routine activities like eating, dressing, or participating in hobbies could all indicate a good day. Causes of good days can stem from:
Well-structured routines that reduce confusion
Restorative sleep, which improves cognitive functioning
A relaxed and supportive environment free of overwhelming stimuli
Regular hydration and proper nutrition
Emotional connections through familiar faces, music, or sensory experiences
Understanding a “Bad Day” - On the flip side, a bad day might involve heightened confusion, agitation, or withdrawal. Tasks that were manageable might suddenly feel impossible, and communication becomes strained. These challenges don’t reflect the person’s character. Instead, they’re a manifestation of the disease progressing through the brain.
Bad days can be frustrating for both the individual and their caregivers. But understanding their root causes can make these episodes easier to handle. Triggers for bad days can include:
Disruptions to routine, such as travel or last-minute changes
Sleep disturbances that can lead to fatigue or irritability
Stressful stimuli like loud noises or crowded settings
Emotional distress due to misremembered details or unfamiliar surroundings
Health complications such as infections, pain, or dehydration exacerbating symptoms
Navigating Good Days with Dementia - Good days should be celebrated and savored. They allow caregivers and family members to create memories and enjoy meaningful interactions with the person they care about.
Engage in Activities They Enjoy - Whether it’s a favorite hobby, listening to music, baking, or taking a stroll outdoors, good days are opportunities for bonding. Focus on low-stress activities that your loved one finds fulfilling.
Encourage Social Interactions - Bring other family members or friends for short visits to foster connection—ensure these interactions feel manageable.
Social interactions can lift their mood and even slow cognitive decline.
Gena / Touch Matters
People are quick to jump to labels, especially with the information you’ve provided on this site. If you have doubts, let her be reevaluated professionally. It’s a big decision to restrict someone’s freedom and create these life changing events. It’s better to have someone impartial guide you; unless in your head you already know the answer but your heart just doesn’t want to accept it.