I ask because I think that is where I will be... my mother hasn't passed yet but she has just made life so miserable for all of us.
I know I will feel sad and maybe some what guilty but I am pretty sure I will be relieved too.. know that burden is lifted..
Because I don't want my kids to have to take care of me if I end up like her, I am now looking into insurance for a nursing home or something. I never want to put my children through what I am going through.
How did you feel upon their passing??
I hear you!
My feelings on my dad's passing:
1. Profound relief.
2. Clear conscience knowing I did the best I could = no regrets.
3. Sadness, not about him not being here any longer, but for him alienating those who loved him the most - family.
I wish you well on this journey🤗
While I deeply loved my husband, I was relieved when he died. For a few reasons.
He had a complicated case and I was his sole caregiver. So I was relieved he was out of that horrific pain, and relieved that I no longer had to try to figure out my next move.
I think my biggest relief, though, was that I didn't have to worry about his mental health issues that had been sometimes challenging during our marriage. I didn't have to wonder what might be around the next corner anymore...what a cleansing breath of new air that was.
I distinctly remember saying to myself: I don't have to worry about him anymore.
A weight had been lifted. No guilt. I felt free.
Of course there were other feelings upon his death, but most certainly, relief for various reasons was a prominent one immediately following his death.
I struggle with having few happy memories of a mother that was self absorbed and "rued the day she ever had children". Seriously, who says that to their child? I struggle because I think it about my Mom, but I could never say it to her. I cannot do the mean things she did to me throughout my life? Why is that? Is it that mean, spiteful, rude mothers raise kind self sacrificing humble daughters? Idk
AlI i can do is know at night when I say goodnight, I did the best I could do on that day. Often when I say goodnight and tell her I love her, she's too busy complaining, guilting and feels like... scheming how to upset me so I don't sleep, anyway! All I know is I've done the best I could. I kept my cool, I had a happy heart and I will miss her but will survive if in the morning, she has gone to visit my dad snd sister. She deserves to be at rest and I feel I would like some peace....my husband says she won't leave our brains or thoughts for a long time, she's 85 and we are mid 60's, because of all the outrageous and hateful things she's said to us! He says she invades our brains and hurts our hearts and the ptsd will keep us from feeling very sad when she leaves this earth for some time. Our daughter says Moms' going to put us in an early grave and outlive us all!!
So. My answer is, feel relief and go on picking up the pieces of your shattered life until one day you begin to live a life without fear, and a life of appreciation knowing you did the Best you could 💕 even if they never bothered to acknowledge it. 🤗
As a nurse I witnessed many children who felt relief, even if the feeling was expressed with tears. Some had witness great struggles and were thankful it was over; many knew their parent were exhausted and ready.
I think it isn't at all unusual.
It is hard to know what you will feel until it comes; often you are surprised and blindsided by what you feel, all you feel.
I felt relief also at the passing of my brother. Several years before his passing he had been diagnosed with probable early Lewy's. He wanted to go before he had to face down what would be inevitable with that diagnosis. He got sepsis two years ago, and died within weeks. He was ready. I was as well.
Much as we always miss those we love, much as we carry them with us, I do think many more of us are ready for the passing when it comes. I have seen my own children pass from the fear of loss of parent to knowing it to be inevitable, and because I am a nurse we have often discussed death.
For what it's worth, I met with a Catholic deacon once when I worked in a Memory Care ALF; he told me how he'd pray daily for his demented mother (92) to pass and for God to take her Home. A wide smile split his face apart when he said that; he explained that why WOULDN'T he pray for her misery to end and for her to transition onto the next phase of her eternal life with God? We had a nice chat that day, he & I, and that's when I realized it was okay that I'd been praying for the same thing for my mother.
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