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my 76 year old husband has been helping to support his son (bipolar alcoholic) from a first marriage for 8 years. We have been married for 13 years, together for 23 years. Son was working and doing okay and then went off the rails for several years. Son has now been sober for 3 years, is finishing a B.S. degree and hopefully will get a better job (now working part time for Lyft, but I really worry how likely that will be, difficult personality) and is 42. I now have Parkinson's and my future is uncertain. I retired by not returning to work after separate over couple years and difficult knee replacement surgeries one surgery per each knee, the second knee replacement was not good and I am impaired, but it is not so bad that the surgeons will re-do it. I am afraid / am pretty sure that my husband's payments to his son will impair my ability to get Medicaid....Son is difficult to get along with and so lives separately. I love my husband and he is a good companion and takes care of the house: we live in the house he owns. Housing costs would be difficult for me to live alone. I just wish the son was not a financial problem. I am afraid that the five year look back will affect me. Would divorce help?

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You very much need to see and Elder Law attorney in your state who can advise the best course, going forward.

Do not proceed on assumptions; get facts.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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See an Elder Law attorney who can advise you on contingency planning going forward.
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Reply to MG8522
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I second the comment about seeking the advice of an Elder Care Attorney.
Also if your husband is a Veteran and is no t connected with the VA health System get that in place ASAP it can help both of you in the future. Contact a Veterans Assistance Commission near you and look into it.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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JoAnn29 May 18, 2026
Wifes are not entitled to VA health. I know 2 men who use the VA hospital as their supplimental insurance. One wife pays for her own, the other her employer supplies.
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An experienced attorney specializing in Elder Law will be able to discuss the best options for your situation, state specific regulations, personal goals, etc. Divorce can be a useful tool, as can irrevocable trusts. These are not DIY legal tools, a good Elder Law attorney can help.
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Reply to hikergirl1
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Yes, see an Elder Lawyer. When considering Medicaid, assets are usually split. The spouse receiving care spends down their split and then applies for Medicaid.

If you don't have POA in place, you should get that set up. Financially and Mefically. A DNR. Make sure what assets you have there are beneficiaries in place. Your Will is made up. Good you are getting your ducks in a row.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Please ask the attorneys you contact if they are experienced with doing LTC Medicaid filings in your State; and have expertise with possible “gifting” aka uncompensated transfer of assets situations.

Elder law attorneys are often geared to doing estate planning which tends to be all about lessening after death taxes and being able to transfer assets outside of probate. Your situation is not that. To me, you want a law firm that fully understands the Medicaid system in your State.

Also I’d suggest that you get in touch with whatever Parkinson’s support network that exists in your area. There will be someone who has had to go thru a transfer of assets situation and may have suggestions as to how they dealt with it &/or a law firm they used.
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Reply to igloo572
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I retired at full retirement age--66 for me
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Reply to Chicagogirl9
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Most people don't get divorced just to get Medicaid. I agree you need to talk to a lawyer about how to get Medicaid without a divorce. It's also a good idea to start looking for a facility you would like to live in. Take tours and talk to staff members.
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Reply to JustAnon
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