I was financial POA for the mother of a close friend. The friend died a decade ago, leaving her mother with no immediate relatives. After friend died, Mom asked me to be Executor of her estate, and when she had a stroke, it turned out I was also financial POA. But then Mom said she didn't need a POA, and her healthcare POA and another friend hired private caregivers for her. For 2 years there were 2 or 3 caregivers for 12 hours a day, increasing as her health failed, until she had 24 hour care for about the last year. Over the last two years, even with long term care insurance paying about 50% of the aids' salary, she paid $125,000 out of pocket in 2020 and as I recall about $85,000 in 2019. The aids were paid $18 an hour I believe.
Until she died, I did not know what her will contained, and she never told me what her wishes were. After she died, the healthcare POA wrote me to say that she wanted the aids to have some small things from the house, including some kitchen items, a chair that cost $750 when purchased, some nice cut glass items, and other decorative items the aides apparently had requested. When they picked up their personal effects left at the house, they did take some small things from kitchen, but I was not there that day, and I asked POA to not let them take anything because I had not been to the lawyer with the will and did not understand everything in it and did not know what things had been left to beneficiaries.
As it turns out, she left the house contents to me and her money and house to the estate. The estate has 13 beneficiaries - about 1/2 are nonprofits, 1/2 are OOT and out of state relatives. When the aides were working, the healthcare POA and a neighbor were points of contact and left me out of most decisions and didn't keep me well informed. I would bring candy and food to the aides and send clothes and food and other things as gifts to Mom. Now I have been approached several times about giving things to the aides, but I am still working to settle the estate. I live nearly two hours away and have spent a lot of time working on everything and caring for the house.
My question is what should I do for these healthcare workers. Whatever I give them from the house is a gift from me. Legally, I can't give them gifts of cash from the estate, and I feel that the healthcare POA should have taken care of any gifts of household goods or cash to them before Mom died. So any money I would give them would come from my pocket.
I know they were close to Mom, they attended the funeral, but as I mentioned I was left out of a lot of things and can't help being reluctant to gift them when I know there were other relatives who were left nothing-and I'm more inclined to do something for the other relatives.
Because of the pandemic, there was a graveside funeral but no reception after. I plan in the future to host a reception and pay for it myself, to invite relatives and friends and esp those who couldn't attend the service. So that is where I plan to devote my own money, and I know it won't be inexpensive. I will sell a lot of things in the house as I have no room for them and will pay for the reception from the proceeds.
Any thoughts on this? What is the right thing to do in this situation?
My BIL hired a woman to handle a tag sale in the house. He gave her a list of the items already sold waiting for pick up. Once my BIL left to go home, the vultures landed. The couple who had purchased some items, they returned saying that MIL had said there were things they could have other than what they purchased. They had never mentioned this to BIL. Another neighbor, who had previously been talking to BIL, came over saying that MIL had promised the guest bedroom set to his daughter because she was MILs cleaning lady. What?. We had only heard that she helped to clean once when MIL was having company. She probably did admire the set and my MIL said "you can have it when I die" when it had already been promised to me. (No I didn't take it. The cost of getting it back to my state was more than it was worth) The woman hired told them all, not on the list to receive, she was not allowing them to have anything.
I would think if your friend had wanted the Caregivers and non-family members to have anything she would have given it to them when she was alive. Or make a codicil to her Will. I will bet you there are things missing that you aren't aware of.
You owe these people nothing. They were paid to do a job. The contents of the house are yours to do with it what you want. Your responsibility is to the beneficiaries. It will be a while, since a house is involved, to probate.
My Aunt had antiques. An appraiser went thru her stuff and told her the prices she could get for her antiques. That way she had an idea what to sell her pieces to an antique dealer for.
I say take care of all the gifts to family first and foremost. After that, you can decide to give items to the caregivers or not. Those things belong to you now, not the deceased, so it's entirely your decision if nothing specific is spelled out in the will.
Have an estate sale to clear out the house, and after that's done, you can offer leftover items to anyone who wants them before having them hauled away.
My brother inherited Moms house and didn't want it so I needed a lawyer to have it put back into the estate. Best thing I did. He took over and had me put the house up for sale and handled the closing. He then did the accounting showing fees and out of pocket. The balance remaining was the money split between the 3 beneficiaries. The Executor should not be out of pocket for anything. You can go to the house and see if there is anything worth something. The stuff you don't want I then would offer it to the aides. But get those locks changed.
As you have more than a few heirs yours is more than a little bit complicated. In truth the contents of a house, unless money is pilfered away (unlikely) are almost more a burden than a gift in these days. I can only assume you will be going to the home to decide what to do and to inventory items, so you can distribute what small momentos you wish to then. This honestly isn't something you are going to need to declare. It is of almost no value and if you want to prove that have haulers come and say to them "What is all of this worth to you" and they will tell you WHAT THEY WILL CHARGE YOU to haul it away. So they will do you a favor in hauling out these things in my humble opinion. Ask for their names and addresses and phone numbers. Tell them that you will be there eventually, will contact them, will have them come together, and you will allow them to take turns removing what they would like. After you get what you like. Then call 1 -800 junk.
My opinion only, but check with the lawyer you will require to assist you in settling this estate. He or she will also explain what FEES you get to settle it and you SHOULD get them as it is a pain. He or she can also help with these questions. Good luck. The lawyer, your plane ticket to the home, and etc are paid for by the estate as well. To tell the truth this is all a major pain in the bottom, so first step is to be certain that you WANT TO DO THIS. I would not, to be frank. They can appoint someone through the court to do this if you don't wish to.
The healthcare POA also told me that the dearly departed in this case had verbally promised some rather more valuable items to a few non family members. There is not letter of intent or instruction and the decedent at no time shared any of this with me.
The estate sales planner I have met with have told me I should remove everything to be removed and then they will sell then clean out the house. I, however, have thought it would be smart to do what MU1929 suggested above:
"Have an estate sale to clear out the house, and after that's done, you can offer leftover items to anyone who wants them before having them hauled away."
They were paid employees and not entitled to any gifts from the estate or you or any other beneficiary.
Kinda blows my mind that they would be hounding you about getting anything.
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