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I was financial POA for the mother of a close friend. The friend died a decade ago, leaving her mother with no immediate relatives. After friend died, Mom asked me to be Executor of her estate, and when she had a stroke, it turned out I was also financial POA. But then Mom said she didn't need a POA, and her healthcare POA and another friend hired private caregivers for her. For 2 years there were 2 or 3 caregivers for 12 hours a day, increasing as her health failed, until she had 24 hour care for about the last year. Over the last two years, even with long term care insurance paying about 50% of the aids' salary, she paid $125,000 out of pocket in 2020 and as I recall about $85,000 in 2019. The aids were paid $18 an hour I believe.


Until she died, I did not know what her will contained, and she never told me what her wishes were. After she died, the healthcare POA wrote me to say that she wanted the aids to have some small things from the house, including some kitchen items, a chair that cost $750 when purchased, some nice cut glass items, and other decorative items the aides apparently had requested. When they picked up their personal effects left at the house, they did take some small things from kitchen, but I was not there that day, and I asked POA to not let them take anything because I had not been to the lawyer with the will and did not understand everything in it and did not know what things had been left to beneficiaries.


As it turns out, she left the house contents to me and her money and house to the estate. The estate has 13 beneficiaries - about 1/2 are nonprofits, 1/2 are OOT and out of state relatives. When the aides were working, the healthcare POA and a neighbor were points of contact and left me out of most decisions and didn't keep me well informed. I would bring candy and food to the aides and send clothes and food and other things as gifts to Mom. Now I have been approached several times about giving things to the aides, but I am still working to settle the estate. I live nearly two hours away and have spent a lot of time working on everything and caring for the house.


My question is what should I do for these healthcare workers. Whatever I give them from the house is a gift from me. Legally, I can't give them gifts of cash from the estate, and I feel that the healthcare POA should have taken care of any gifts of household goods or cash to them before Mom died. So any money I would give them would come from my pocket.


I know they were close to Mom, they attended the funeral, but as I mentioned I was left out of a lot of things and can't help being reluctant to gift them when I know there were other relatives who were left nothing-and I'm more inclined to do something for the other relatives.


Because of the pandemic, there was a graveside funeral but no reception after. I plan in the future to host a reception and pay for it myself, to invite relatives and friends and esp those who couldn't attend the service. So that is where I plan to devote my own money, and I know it won't be inexpensive. I will sell a lot of things in the house as I have no room for them and will pay for the reception from the proceeds.


Any thoughts on this? What is the right thing to do in this situation?

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As this is a complicated will with many beneficiaries you are going to need a Lawyer to help you. Call in your area as not all Trust and Estate will help with will and Trust settlement; they only want to write wills and trusts. Once you find your Lawyer you will present the will. You will be guided in what kind of letter to write to the beneficiaries. You will get an EIN very easily through the Lawyer who can assist you in doing this online. For my brother's uncomplicated Trust and Estate I needed only one and one half hours, less than 500.00 and was SUCH A HELP to me especially in such instances as this. In my own case my brother had few household items left. He did however tell me in his last days he wanted his remaining pottery treasures to be given for him to his friend. I was POA at that time, and told the friend my brother was dying. His friend helped me to clean our everything as I was in another part of the estate. Everything my brother had was left to me, but with the exception of his few items kept in ALF that were his furniture and remaining treasures from collections, there was little of value. His friend cleaned up everything for me even to returning the spectrum phone equipment, and he gathered together the treasures my bro left him. Easily done. No "estate" distribution needed to be opened as everything was in POD accounts or in the Trust and I was successor Trustee already. It went from being successor of revocable "living" trust to irrevocable trust, handled by the Lawyer and I distributed it.
As you have more than a few heirs yours is more than a little bit complicated. In truth the contents of a house, unless money is pilfered away (unlikely) are almost more a burden than a gift in these days. I can only assume you will be going to the home to decide what to do and to inventory items, so you can distribute what small momentos you wish to then. This honestly isn't something you are going to need to declare. It is of almost no value and if you want to prove that have haulers come and say to them "What is all of this worth to you" and they will tell you WHAT THEY WILL CHARGE YOU to haul it away. So they will do you a favor in hauling out these things in my humble opinion. Ask for their names and addresses and phone numbers. Tell them that you will be there eventually, will contact them, will have them come together, and you will allow them to take turns removing what they would like. After you get what you like. Then call 1 -800 junk.
My opinion only, but check with the lawyer you will require to assist you in settling this estate. He or she will also explain what FEES you get to settle it and you SHOULD get them as it is a pain. He or she can also help with these questions. Good luck. The lawyer, your plane ticket to the home, and etc are paid for by the estate as well. To tell the truth this is all a major pain in the bottom, so first step is to be certain that you WANT TO DO THIS. I would not, to be frank. They can appoint someone through the court to do this if you don't wish to.
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The caregivers have been paid, so any gifts are gravy on top. The healthcare POAs should have been informing you all along because you were responsible for the financial side of things, and I assume you were writing the checks. Either way, their job is done, as the person for whom they held POA is dead.

I say take care of all the gifts to family first and foremost. After that, you can decide to give items to the caregivers or not. Those things belong to you now, not the deceased, so it's entirely your decision if nothing specific is spelled out in the will.

Have an estate sale to clear out the house, and after that's done, you can offer leftover items to anyone who wants them before having them hauled away.
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You are right in telling the ex POAs that nothing is to be removed from the house. I would first have all the locks changed. Too many people have keys. When it comes to the house and money left to beneficiaries, that does not get distributed until all her debts are paid. Any fees, including the lawyers comes from the estate. You are entitled to being paid as an Executor. In my state its 4% of the estate up to a certain amount, as the worth of the estate increases the % goes down.

My brother inherited Moms house and didn't want it so I needed a lawyer to have it put back into the estate. Best thing I did. He took over and had me put the house up for sale and handled the closing. He then did the accounting showing fees and out of pocket. The balance remaining was the money split between the 3 beneficiaries. The Executor should not be out of pocket for anything. You can go to the house and see if there is anything worth something. The stuff you don't want I then would offer it to the aides. But get those locks changed.
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sp19690 May 2021
If the brother inherited the house. It should never have been sold and the money split between all 3 beneficiaries. The brother should have taken the house, sold it ans that money would haven been his. Unless he wanted to share with others than it would have been a gift and he could have been subject to gift tax.
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I apologize for having inadvertently omitted that I did change house locks within a week or ten days of the death, and I do have an attorney that has handled much of the paperwork. But she did tell me to estimate what the house contents would sell for in a yard sale, which I did, not realizing this would be included in the court report and a fee charged by the court that included the household contents. I agree that dealing with the house contents has been an unwelcome and difficult task.

The healthcare POA also told me that the dearly departed in this case had verbally promised some rather more valuable items to a few non family members. There is not letter of intent or instruction and the decedent at no time shared any of this with me.

The estate sales planner I have met with have told me I should remove everything to be removed and then they will sell then clean out the house. I, however, have thought it would be smart to do what MU1929 suggested above:
"Have an estate sale to clear out the house, and after that's done, you can offer leftover items to anyone who wants them before having them hauled away."
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AlvaDeer avatar
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AlvaDeer May 2021
Yes, when they ask this question the more appropriate answer, and almost always the answer is that no one wants this stuff anymore and I would make less at a garage sale than it would take to hire someone to do the thing. So the answer is that the household full of stuff has really little to no value almost always. I remember when folks did collect and did have collections of cut glass. I still have a compote and punch bowl of my Mom's. Value today? Pretty much give away. That's just the way of it. The newer generation sadly isn't into collecting. I have always love collecting and have "collections" so I feel bad for them, but it's a fact. Sure wish you good luck. Sounds like you have kind of a mess on your hands to handle. I would hire most of it out and let the estate pay for it. And quite honestly the caregivers were paid by this lovely lady. You really don't have time to think about them now; they are on to their new jobs. You have too much on your plate.
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Ask the caregivers what they want from the house, you have the rest of the house. You may not even want what they do. If sold in an estate sale, even the valuable items will sell for pennies on the dollar. You would like to give them cash, but that is outside your duties unless the will says which thing to give to which caregiver. So, what do they want?
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They got paid and they took items from the house. That should be enough I think
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You have too much on your plate with executing this will and closing out the estate to worry about paid health care workers getting odds and ends from the house. If it is not in the will then it is not to be given out. Your priority is to get the estate closed. This means all debts paid, final taxes and tax return done, etc. All beneficiaries given what is due them after all debts paid and only then should you decide if you want to give the aides something. This process can take a year or more depending on the will.
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It sounds like they already took what they wanted, so I wouldn't be worried about giving them anything.

They were paid employees and not entitled to any gifts from the estate or you or any other beneficiary.

Kinda blows my mind that they would be hounding you about getting anything.
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I agree with the above advice of waiting until the estate settles to gift anything further. I would offer any valuable items to the family first - without a written document it’s difficult to know if the mom really intended to give her stuff away. I had one of my mom’s caregivers ask if she could have her car, as they had talked about it. I said that it would take at least 6 months to settle the estate before I could do anything, so she stopped asking.
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JoAnn29 avatar
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JoAnn29 Jun 2021
My MIL told more than one person they could have things. The car was offered to my grandson but she never put it in writing. My niece was given it. Probably because my MIL forgot she offered it to my Grandson and offered it to niece.
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Let me just say, people come out of the woodwork when there is a death. Unless a codicil was made to the Will, no one is "entitled" to anything. As I replied to Libbby, my MIL promised the same things to several people. My BIL straight out told these people, there is nothing in writing. You are welcome to buy it otherwise it will be sold and the proceeds going towards the estate for the beneficiaries. When my BIL was at MILs house he invited some of the neighbors over. One couple was interested in some living room pieces and purchased them. They really liked a Wall unit she had and BIL gave it to them. (MILs neighbors had been good to her)

My BIL hired a woman to handle a tag sale in the house. He gave her a list of the items already sold waiting for pick up. Once my BIL left to go home, the vultures landed. The couple who had purchased some items, they returned saying that MIL had said there were things they could have other than what they purchased. They had never mentioned this to BIL. Another neighbor, who had previously been talking to BIL, came over saying that MIL had promised the guest bedroom set to his daughter because she was MILs cleaning lady. What?. We had only heard that she helped to clean once when MIL was having company. She probably did admire the set and my MIL said "you can have it when I die" when it had already been promised to me. (No I didn't take it. The cost of getting it back to my state was more than it was worth) The woman hired told them all, not on the list to receive, she was not allowing them to have anything.

I would think if your friend had wanted the Caregivers and non-family members to have anything she would have given it to them when she was alive. Or make a codicil to her Will. I will bet you there are things missing that you aren't aware of.

You owe these people nothing. They were paid to do a job. The contents of the house are yours to do with it what you want. Your responsibility is to the beneficiaries. It will be a while, since a house is involved, to probate.

My Aunt had antiques. An appraiser went thru her stuff and told her the prices she could get for her antiques. That way she had an idea what to sell her pieces to an antique dealer for.
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Now that you know what the will says, you know that the contents belongs to you. Other things go to other people. They can do whatever they want with their money/assets they get out of this will. You can do what you want with the contents. Since you are considering those who weren't mentioned, perhaps some of the contents can be shared with them to see if there is anything (after you select your wants) that they might want to have before you hold a sale. To make it easier, take pics of the items that you plan to sell and share the pics with those relatives that you are thinking about. Then give them deadline to pick up or to arrange their own shipping - like a UPS pick up/pack/ship service.

The employees really shouldn't have been allowed to take anything after death. Probate and your role sorts that out. What's done is done, but you should make it clear that nothing else moves out of the house or changes hands until you can create an inventory of the estate.

You having a reception later on for those who couldn't come to a service is quite generous. I think you have done your part. As far as gifts to those who worked for the lady, when you actually sit down with the heirs you might mention their devoted service and give them names/addresses for these caretakers - they can send a gift or not in appreciation for the care their loved one received.

Change locks on doors, too. Don't think they are going to stop entering and removing things that you already know belong to you.
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This is all most helpful. Many thanks to all of you. I also need to pay out of pocket for some things that weren't taken care of by the estate - I need to sell household items to do that!
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JoAnn29 avatar
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JoAnn29 Aug 2021
An Executor pays nothing out of pocket. And if you do, make sure you keep records and have it included in the accting. I had put out to keep utilities on to sell the house. There was no money, just the house. I had a lawyer help me with the sale of the house and he finished up probate for me. He included my out of pocket as a debit and I was reimbursed at time of settlement.
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