He was a mean bully when I was growing up. He hasn't changed at all still mean and very much a bully. He is in really good health. How can I get him out of my home. I cannot continue to live like this. I too am a senior. I don't want to spend my life with him yelling and threatening me and cleaning up after him. While he is older than me obviously I feel as though he is abusing me verbally.
Once you understand the rules, move in a direction to effect a change. If you think he will become physically abusive when you are ready for this discussion, have someone else with you and ready to stay for the night. Is there someone he respects that can be with you? A member of the clergy or family member? That may help.
Personally, I would seek out alternate living arrangements so that when you tell him of your decision, he has some options to pursue. Make sure there is a deadline and don't make it too far out! In addition, I'd urge you get counseling for yourself. It isn't easy to listen to a barrage of negativity. Get someone to help you work through that too. Good luck.
So you can go to directly to asking him to leave. OR set up 10 house hold rules. that he speak to you like he would [his doctor, best mate etc] that he do the cleaning, that he makes his bed and vacuums, puts his dirty laundry and detail how often you will wash it. that he showers and puts wet towels into the hamper etc etc. That meals will be served at *** times and he is expected to take his dishes to the sink/dishwasher.
note his failure to abide by those rules ,OR/ and do as I did with my EX, I removed my services, .... stopped ironing his shirts, keeping meals hot because he did not get home on time. doing chores that pertained to him. etc etc and I made exactly the same number of cups of tea as he made me coffee. one big fat ZERO.
OR
Why did your Father move in with you in the first place, was it for financial reasons ??? is he paying you rent?? then up it for the extra he is putting upon you, 20% for verbal abuse 10% for cleaning up after him. 10% for no help at meal times... he will be out the door pronto. wishing you luck
This is a painful situation for yourself and probably your father....
The "how?" can you get him out question is merely incidental because if you have the courage to obtain an eviction order, then the main thing is how you can handle the emotional trauma in the 30 day (or whatever) waiting period.
Bottom line...You CAN do it if you do it...
Grace and Peace,
Bob
Being tough with a grouchy or mean parent is such a reversal of roles (although I can't say I was particularly grouchy with my kiddoes) We're never really prepared for it.
Be tough--be prepared to hear him be angry and hostile, but don't give in. I've watched my brother age 40 years in the last 20, caring for Mother. It was his CHOICE and it remains his CHOICE to have her at his home, but I would not be surprised if she outlives him. Take care of you!!
"You have to take care of yourself"
Grrrrr....I get so frustrated when someone says that to me. Your right about it being a platitude. It no longer has meaning. People say it to placate you and to make themselves feel better. If it came from the heart with intent it would come out as "what can I do to help so you can get a break"
Don't hear that very often, if at all.
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