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He won't wear his hearing aids unless we go out to dinner or an event. He says he hears me just fine, but I end up repeating myself more than half the time. How would you handle this? I have thought about saying it once and refusing to repeat it. But many times it is information he needs to know. I get so frustrated that I raise my voice and then he gets mad. Help!

Do not speak to him when he's refusing to wear his hearing aids. If he misses appointments because of his stubbornness, perhaps he'll realize that choices have consequences.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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My mother in law has had hearing loss for years, and has always refused to cooperate with wearing hearing aids. I’ve always declined to yell for her to hear. My father in law has long repeated and yelled to her. She now has significant dementia. There’s a well established correlation between long term hearing loss and dementia, but of course we’ll not know if this was what caused it. Make sure your husband knows of this link. Don’t raise your voice, that will only frustrate you both. Either say it once and get on with your day, letting him deal with the consequences or use a white board and marker to write him a note. This is his issue, don’t let it ruin your days. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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I live next door to my almost 97-yr old Mom. A few years ago it became very apparent that her hearing was greatly diminished, and she was in denial of it -- telling me she heard me (no) or that I didn't tell her (no). I told her in no uncertain terms that as her daughter and care giver and PoA I was absolutely not going to yell my conversations with her or be accused of false things. So when she refused to go to the audiologist, I would simply walk out of her house the first time she said "Huh?" or "What?" to me.

Fast forward to today, she's had hearing aids for about 3 years now. She still won't voluntarily put them in. When I walk over to visit her I go directly into her bathroom (even if she's talking to me) and get her hearing aids and put them in her ears before I start listening to what she has to say. She sometimes gets annoyed by this but it's also annoying to yell stuff and try to talk over her incredibly loud tv.

Stop responding to your husband verbally. Write all your responses on a white board so he sees how ridiculous he's being. Or, walk out of the room and refuse to engage. Make an appointment with the audiologist and pressure him to go. He, like my Mom, will probably be incredibly amazed at how bad his hearing is once he gets good quality hearing aids. My Mom got hers at Costco. Very good service. They're not cheap but they're worth every penny.
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Reply to Geaton777
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I am with Dogwood, why does he not want to wear them? If a mold is involved, is it fitted correctly? If not it can make the inner ear sore. The tubing bothers my husband if too short. If he has not been to am Audiologist in over a year, he needs to see one. These digitals need to be tweeked every do often.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Unfortunately, being hard of hearing increases loss of cognition and causes dementia. There's a lot of research on this. Look it up and present your findings to your husband. If that doesn't scare him into wearing his hearing aids, nothing will.

You could also try taking him to an audiologist, getting his hearing tested, and buying him the latest lightweight easy-to-wear model there is. It's costly but worth it. My husband bought his at Costco, and they're wonderful. They can be controlled from his cell phone and are easy to manage.

If nothing works, I'd isolate from him as much as I could and start collecting brochures on memory care facilities. It sounds brutal, but you're in a no-win situation if he won't cooperate, and non-cooperation in a marriage is a sure signal that he doesn't respect you or care about nurturing your relationship. So why keep trying? Marriage isn't a one-woman show. You're supposed to be loving partners, and he's not.

I hope he'll listen to reason, and I wish you luck.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Jagermeister Mar 28, 2026
He is willingly going to get replacement hearing aids, but only wears them when we go out or I nag him, but never when we are home together, day-to-day. I have told him all the consequences like dementia, etc. But the TV is on 18 and I have to yell to talk to him over that volume. I can hear every word on 12. I called the audiologist and asked them to impress upon him to wear them every day all day.
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You can let him know you are just as important as an outing and deserve the respect of being heard. Stand strong.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Just a thought on a compromise we used with my parents when they had this exact situation.

We ended up getting my dad a Bluetooth headset for watching tv. He loved it and my mom had peace and quiet. She could watch tv or read and not be blasted out of the room. (He also loved that he could walk out of the room to grab a snack and didn’t miss anything.).

It was much more comfortable for him than hearing aids all day. He got a break (so did mom).

Their agreement was that He would wear his hearing aids all morning then get a break and switch to headphones when his afternoon shows started. He was glad to not have to wear them all day and she wasn’t constantly yelling. Anything important would normally be discussed in the morning like upcoming appointments, shopping, schedules, etc

Even if he won’t compromise and wear his hearing aids - you’ll get a break!!!

We also use closed caption on the tv- this reinforcement of visually seeing the words on screen can stimulate the brain because if you’re reading along then you’re multitasking which helps if he is in early stage dementia.
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Reply to Kat1313
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Get dry erase board; write it down.
get hearing aids checked; perhaps upgraded.
Find out why he won't wear. They can be extremely annoying for many reasons.

Do not lose your voice due to screaming.

Tell him he won't get important information from you if he doesn't wear. Put the burden on him.

Gena / Touch Matters
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Reply to TouchMatters
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get a note book and write it down putting it to him
tell him it’s straining your voice
he’ll soon get sick of it lol
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Reply to Jenny10
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I live in a senior living with about 80. Lost count of how many dont wear hearing aidd. But personal friend have several issues. Too much background noise. Could not get adjusted right, too loud, not lound enough. He paid a fortune, kept going back. Finally was told nothing could be done. Some have issues with comfort or getting them placed correctly. And then there is the dementia issue. I know you must be frustrated. If you can try to get the reason of not wearing. Could this work: turn on tv with NO sound and say, let me get your hearing aids to wear ?
Good luck.
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Reply to Memories42
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