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He won't wear his hearing aids unless we go out to dinner or an event. He says he hears me just fine, but I end up repeating myself more than half the time. How would you handle this? I have thought about saying it once and refusing to repeat it. But many times it is information he needs to know. I get so frustrated that I raise my voice and then he gets mad. Help!

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Unfortunately, being hard of hearing increases loss of cognition and causes dementia. There's a lot of research on this. Look it up and present your findings to your husband. If that doesn't scare him into wearing his hearing aids, nothing will.

You could also try taking him to an audiologist, getting his hearing tested, and buying him the latest lightweight easy-to-wear model there is. It's costly but worth it. My husband bought his at Costco, and they're wonderful. They can be controlled from his cell phone and are easy to manage.

If nothing works, I'd isolate from him as much as I could and start collecting brochures on memory care facilities. It sounds brutal, but you're in a no-win situation if he won't cooperate, and non-cooperation in a marriage is a sure signal that he doesn't respect you or care about nurturing your relationship. So why keep trying? Marriage isn't a one-woman show. You're supposed to be loving partners, and he's not.

I hope he'll listen to reason, and I wish you luck.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Jagermeister Mar 28, 2026
He is willingly going to get replacement hearing aids, but only wears them when we go out or I nag him, but never when we are home together, day-to-day. I have told him all the consequences like dementia, etc. But the TV is on 18 and I have to yell to talk to him over that volume. I can hear every word on 12. I called the audiologist and asked them to impress upon him to wear them every day all day.
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Do not speak to him when he's refusing to wear his hearing aids. If he misses appointments because of his stubbornness, perhaps he'll realize that choices have consequences.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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My mother in law has had hearing loss for years, and has always refused to cooperate with wearing hearing aids. I’ve always declined to yell for her to hear. My father in law has long repeated and yelled to her. She now has significant dementia. There’s a well established correlation between long term hearing loss and dementia, but of course we’ll not know if this was what caused it. Make sure your husband knows of this link. Don’t raise your voice, that will only frustrate you both. Either say it once and get on with your day, letting him deal with the consequences or use a white board and marker to write him a note. This is his issue, don’t let it ruin your days. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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I live next door to my almost 97-yr old Mom. A few years ago it became very apparent that her hearing was greatly diminished, and she was in denial of it -- telling me she heard me (no) or that I didn't tell her (no). I told her in no uncertain terms that as her daughter and care giver and PoA I was absolutely not going to yell my conversations with her or be accused of false things. So when she refused to go to the audiologist, I would simply walk out of her house the first time she said "Huh?" or "What?" to me.

Fast forward to today, she's had hearing aids for about 3 years now. She still won't voluntarily put them in. When I walk over to visit her I go directly into her bathroom (even if she's talking to me) and get her hearing aids and put them in her ears before I start listening to what she has to say. She sometimes gets annoyed by this but it's also annoying to yell stuff and try to talk over her incredibly loud tv.

Stop responding to your husband verbally. Write all your responses on a white board so he sees how ridiculous he's being. Or, walk out of the room and refuse to engage. Make an appointment with the audiologist and pressure him to go. He, like my Mom, will probably be incredibly amazed at how bad his hearing is once he gets good quality hearing aids. My Mom got hers at Costco. Very good service. They're not cheap but they're worth every penny.
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Reply to Geaton777
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It's annoying when someone with hearing loss won't wear their hearing aids.

If possible, find out the reason they don't wear their hearing aids. Are they uncomfortable, do they make annoying noises in their ears, etc.? There are so many different types of hearing aids today, it might be worth exploring a different brand or style.

In the meantime, here are some strategies I use so I don't have to yell or keep repeating myself, which is super exhausting.

When speaking to someone with hearing impairment, make sure you already have their attention, and they are looking at you.

Speak slowly and enunciate clearly. Don't use a lot of extra words that can cause the message to get lost.

You could also look into using a voice amplifier. Amazon has them. You wear a wireless microphone and it broadcasts your voice on a small speaker box.
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Jagermeister Mar 28, 2026
He says he can hear me fine, but five years ago, both Costco and Miracle Ear said he had significant hearing loss. I sometimes think it could be a listening problem as well as a hearing problem. He is always thinking of something else or thinking he knows what I am going to say and doesn't hear what I said.
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I am with Dogwood, why does he not want to wear them? If a mold is involved, is it fitted correctly? If not it can make the inner ear sore. The tubing bothers my husband if too short. If he has not been to am Audiologist in over a year, he needs to see one. These digitals need to be tweeked every do often.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You can let him know you are just as important as an outing and deserve the respect of being heard. Stand strong.
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Reply to JustAnon
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My dad was the same. He said they made his ears itch, and that sounds like turning pages of a book were way too loud.

Then he started losing them. It drove my mom around the bend.

Not being able to to hear is strongly correlated with developing dementia. Would sharing this info with him (either you or his doctor sharing it) help to motivate him to wear them?

In my dad’s case, it turned out he already had dementia.

Good Luck!!
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Reply to Suzy23
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Hearing loss may contribute to dementia if it is causing isolation and lack of interaction with people and activities. You might not be able to use it as a stand alone scare tactic to make your husband wear hearing aids. If you have information your husband really needs to know, you could write it down.
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Reply to RedVanAnnie
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Just a thought on a compromise we used with my parents when they had this exact situation.

We ended up getting my dad a Bluetooth headset for watching tv. He loved it and my mom had peace and quiet. She could watch tv or read and not be blasted out of the room. (He also loved that he could walk out of the room to grab a snack and didn’t miss anything.).

It was much more comfortable for him than hearing aids all day. He got a break (so did mom).

Their agreement was that He would wear his hearing aids all morning then get a break and switch to headphones when his afternoon shows started. He was glad to not have to wear them all day and she wasn’t constantly yelling. Anything important would normally be discussed in the morning like upcoming appointments, shopping, schedules, etc

Even if he won’t compromise and wear his hearing aids - you’ll get a break!!!

We also use closed caption on the tv- this reinforcement of visually seeing the words on screen can stimulate the brain because if you’re reading along then you’re multitasking which helps if he is in early stage dementia.
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Reply to Kat1313
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Get dry erase board; write it down.
get hearing aids checked; perhaps upgraded.
Find out why he won't wear. They can be extremely annoying for many reasons.

Do not lose your voice due to screaming.

Tell him he won't get important information from you if he doesn't wear. Put the burden on him.

Gena / Touch Matters
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Reply to TouchMatters
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If he says he hears you just fine, stop yelling, stop repeating yourself.
Write down anything important on a white board.

If he misses any information, due to his own stubbornness, it will be his problem. Worrying about it and getting frustrated and angry will not change anything.

Go out to lunch or socialize with friends, so you have an opportunity to engage in conversation with someone who will listen.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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get a note book and write it down putting it to him
tell him it’s straining your voice
he’ll soon get sick of it lol
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Reply to Jenny10
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Is he trying to tune you out? Definitely selective hearing. Maybe a trip to the audiologist is in order. I have hearing aids but have lost coordination in my hands so I don’t wear them. Trying to put them in is a lesson in futility and frustration.
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Reply to katepaints
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At least one pair of hearing aids that Costco has works with the tv to the point where you can have it totally turned off, and he can hear it. Maybe that will convince him. Especially if you keep going over and turn it down as it's too loud for you, telling him you DON'T want to have to wear hearing aids, when you do that.
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Reply to michelle7728
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I live in a senior living with about 80. Lost count of how many dont wear hearing aidd. But personal friend have several issues. Too much background noise. Could not get adjusted right, too loud, not lound enough. He paid a fortune, kept going back. Finally was told nothing could be done. Some have issues with comfort or getting them placed correctly. And then there is the dementia issue. I know you must be frustrated. If you can try to get the reason of not wearing. Could this work: turn on tv with NO sound and say, let me get your hearing aids to wear ?
Good luck.
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Reply to Memories42
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This question makes me laugh. Because my grandfather did not wear his. The primary reason was, he did not want to hear all the family crap.
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Reply to Sample
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