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She tells him things like our son ate her waffles and is really mad about it or that her great grandson ate her cereal and drank her milk even though we are the ones that feed her. When I questioned her about it she lies and says she didn't say that, calls us liars and calls me names. She says things that are not true to my husband. She is always trying to come between us and our sons. She is always blaming me for things that are not true and putting my husband in the middle of her lies. He is so confused what he should do. That he just lets her get away with it an it's causing problems with us. Is this the beginning of dementia or Alzheimer's? I don't know please help.

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In March you posted here saying you were getting divorced after 43 years due to your MIL moving in and your husband taking her side against you constantly. What happened with that? You'd gotten 20+ comments giving you great advice on that question. Whether MIL has dementia or not, she needs to leave your home and DH needs to step up.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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BurntCaregiver Jul 25, 2026
One-hundred percent truth ^^^^^
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I’m unclear what caused MIL to move into your home, if it was financial, cultural, or her medical condition. In any case, sounds like her presence is making your home miserable instead of peaceful. If the situation doesn’t change your children will grow up resentful and angry that their parents didn’t prioritize their environment to make it a healthy home. MIL could have dementia, Alzheimer’s is just one kind of dementia, there are more, or she could have another condition. She needs a complete medical evaluation that includes cognitive testing. You need a plan on where to move her to get the best care for her and restore your home. I hope your husband will work on this and not ignore the needs of his wife and children
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Sounds dementia related to me. You need to tell your husband his prime responsibility is to you and your kids. He didn't make vows with his Mother.

He needs to start looking for a place for her to move to. She sounds bored and stirring up trouble is an obvious activity for her.

When loved ones expect to be waited on, the last thing they should do is cause drama in a home that is not theirs. Mom is outnubered and needs to learn to shut up or move.

Did Mom care for her own parents when they aged?
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Reply to Dawn88
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This sounds exactly like Alzheimer's. It's very normal! You can stop trying to convince her she's wrong, and definitely you can stop feeling bad that she thinks these things. Have a family meeting (without your MIL) and explain especially to your kids that she is getting dementia and promise them that you'll never believe her over them, reassure them they don't have to worry about these things.

As for MIL yes you can tell her whatever keeps her calm in the moment. But beyond that it's probably time to take her for a cognitive test. You can tell her it's "for insurance" or "free" or anything else you like but it's probably time to bring medical documentation and help on board.
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Reply to Slartibartfast
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It sounds like Alzheimer's. You and your husband should start looking at care facilities for her because it will only get worse. I've seen many happy families and marriages broken up because of they've moved a needy, aging parent with dementia into the home. Don't let that happen to you and your family. Move her into a residential care facility.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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This is your home. Call local nursing homes, get some brochures, and start looking for placement immediately.

Tell your husband you are done with this situation.

You can either have this woman placed in a proper facility or continue to blow up your family over this situation. It's your choice.

Being old is not a get out of jail free card to destroy other's lives. Caregivers only have so much energy and time to dedicate to care situations before it starts wearing on you and pulling your health down.

This is not a lifelong indictment.
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Reply to Scampie1
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How long has she lived with you? Does she have a house that hasn't been sold, or did she sell her previous home? As the others have said, she needs to move out to an appropriate place, whether assisted living or low-income senior housing.
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Reply to MG8522
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Sounds like dementia. It will help you and you husband a lot if you learn about it because your MIL now has a broken brain and trying to reason with her will be pointless -- she no longer has the faculties that allow her to use reason and logic. Just change the subject or distract her or don't react to her at all.

I strongly suggest she be taken in for an exam by her primary care physician and checked for a UTI. Then she can be tested for cognitive and memory impairment. Then you will have a decision to make: will she continue to live with you as her behaviors deteriorates? She will not stay at her current level, she will only get worse. Now you and your husband are the only ones that can change and adjust.

I learned a lot from watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube -- lots of good information about what causes dementia, what it is, and how to work with and around our loved ones who have it so there is more productive time together and as much peace as possible.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Whether she has dementia or not, this situation is not working for you and it’s your home. She sounds like she has always been a difficult person. You and your husband need to move her out to an assisted living apartment or nursing home. Never let her move back in. It sounds like your husband has had difficulty settling limits with his mother for a long time. That is a serious problem. While she is still walking and talking and handling her own dressing, bathroom, showers get her moved out. If she’s living with you, you have probably started providing her meals, helping with her laundry, providing transportation, and overseeing her medication. Unless she is able to resume all of that, she will need a living arrangement that provides her with support. There is good information about emotionally immature parents who are enmeshed with their adult children online.
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Reply to Beethoven13
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Things are not going to be the way they use to be, losing patience becoming annoyed is part of being human for everyone. Relax though your family is not falling apart it is merely adapting to a difficult situation. While it’s only natural to feel a sense of obligation towards one’s parents the husband has the responsibility to set boundaries and to make sure that his wife and children lives are not disrupted. Rather than pulling apart pull together as a family other families are facing similar situations and are dealing with them successfully. Circumstances may put everyone’s love to the test but realistically occasional family friction is really no cause for serious alarm. Much good can be done by having a serious conversation with each member of the family let them share how they feel, once matters are out in the open it may be possible to find a workable solution. The suggestions about getting cognitive testing is helpful at least you can get a better understanding of what her true mental condition is and then educate yourself and your family as to how each you can be supportive of the care she needs . So do more than just putting up with the situation make the most of it and remember the way we deal with our parents is teaching our children how they should deal with us as we
grow older. Love and respect for parents grandparents should be continually shown not just on special occasions. It’s my hope that the love you show towards each other will prove beneficial for all three generations.
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Reply to DDDaniels
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MargaretMcKen Jul 26, 2026
I’m wondering if you actually read the post? This situation is not going to be solved by having “a serious conversation with each member of the family”. OP is to the point of considering divorce, and MIL’s behavior has been consistent for months. There’s a lot of lying and allegations of lying, and when that's part of any “serious conversation”, conversation is not going to solve much.
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