She tells him things like our son ate her waffles and is really mad about it or that her great grandson ate her cereal and drank her milk even though we are the ones that feed her. When I questioned her about it she lies and says she didn't say that, calls us liars and calls me names. She says things that are not true to my husband. She is always trying to come between us and our sons. She is always blaming me for things that are not true and putting my husband in the middle of her lies. He is so confused what he should do. That he just lets her get away with it an it's causing problems with us. Is this the beginning of dementia or Alzheimer's? I don't know please help.
As for MIL yes you can tell her whatever keeps her calm in the moment. But beyond that it's probably time to take her for a cognitive test. You can tell her it's "for insurance" or "free" or anything else you like but it's probably time to bring medical documentation and help on board.
I strongly suggest she be taken in for an exam by her primary care physician and checked for a UTI. Then she can be tested for cognitive and memory impairment. Then you will have a decision to make: will she continue to live with you as her behaviors deteriorates? She will not stay at her current level, she will only get worse. Now you and your husband are the only ones that can change and adjust.
I learned a lot from watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube -- lots of good information about what causes dementia, what it is, and how to work with and around our loved ones who have it so there is more productive time together and as much peace as possible.
He needs to start looking for a place for her to move to. She sounds bored and stirring up trouble is an obvious activity for her.
When loved ones expect to be waited on, the last thing they should do is cause drama in a home that is not theirs. Mom is outnubered and needs to learn to shut up or move.
Did Mom care for her own parents when they aged?
grow older. Love and respect for parents grandparents should be continually shown not just on special occasions. It’s my hope that the love you show towards each other will prove beneficial for all three generations.
Tell your husband you are done with this situation.
You can either have this woman placed in a proper facility or continue to blow up your family over this situation. It's your choice.
Being old is not a get out of jail free card to destroy other's lives. Caregivers only have so much energy and time to dedicate to care situations before it starts wearing on you and pulling your health down.
This is not a lifelong indictment.