My mom has dementia and lives in memory care. Recently she met another man while at an event in the community. This man lives in the assisted living side of the community. She says he works and has his own car. As her guardian, she gave him my phone number so he can get permission to take her out on a date. He has called and left me a message, but I haven't talked to him yet. I also haven't called the facility because I'm trying to determine the best way to go about it. Today she let me know that he surprised my mom by paying for a haircut and color at the onsite salon. I thought it was very sweet, but I am also concerned with where this will all lead. My mom is a very sneaky woman and has a history of trying to escape the facilities she has been at and being hypersexual. She has already made comments about wanting to have sex with this man. Because of this, I'm not comfortable with him being able to take her out of the community to go on a date. I wouldn't mind if they communicated and spent time with each other on-site. However, can I put boundaries on where they can go? The community is fairly large and the assisted living apartments are not in the main building where she lives. I don't want to stop her from having somewhat of a life but I'm very nervous that she will try to talk him into taking her out even when it is not allowed or get into trouble. Has anyone dealt with this? Any advice on the best way to handle this situation?
Why is this man even allowed to get into the MC?
If someone is in MC, they cannot give legal consent. And, since she is not competent to give consent, you should not give consent, either. Your job is to look out for her welfare.
One thing that caught my eye was when you wrote "She says he works and has his own car." Really now, why would an able bodied person who works and still drive need to live in Assisted Living? That doesn't add up.
Why is mom in memory care? And are you really a guardian? Something does not add up. Your profile says mom lives with you? What is the story?
My step-mother is in MC, she is in lock down, and she is a runner.
You need to have a conversation with the admin of the home.
There is something fishy here, does not compute.
He obviously has issues of his own, otherwise what dialog and interaction could he possibly be having with someone who is advanced enough in their dementia to be in memory care.
Let them be friends and let them visit each other in memory care.
* Yes and No. I, too, am alarmed as daughter's mom is in memory care. although she was able to give his man her daughter's phone number to call to ask if okay to go out ... so she has a lot more cognitive ability than some / most in memory care. This is a very high level of functioning for someone in a memory care unit (from my experience).
This isn't an easy answer to a complicated sensitive issue as people, with dementia, age. It is really sort of heartbreaking in many ways. Gena
The OP's mother is far gone enough that she cannot live in the assisted living area of the facility and had to be put into the memory care residence.
If the mother enjoys this man's company she should be allowed to see him and spend time with him.
At the memory care residence and under the supervision of the memory care staff. They can spend time together in the common areas of the memory care only. Nowhere private or even semi-private.
The mother has dementia and is also hyper-sexual. That's a disaster waiting to happen.