Hi, my mom is in a nursing home, and has paid for a private room. The style of rooms are single rooms but a shared bathroom in the middle. They make sure both occupants are the same gender for obvious reasons. Recently my mothers neighbor moved out which is fine, but the facility she is at recently moved in a woman from the hospital. I guess my question is, are there limits on visitors at nursing homes? When she first arrived, the woman’s husband was with her for a couple hours to move her in (which is normal and totally fine) and then left shortly around bedtime (she got in pretty late). The next day though he showed up at ten am and didn’t leave until eleven pm. And it’s been about a few weeks now and he is continually there all day. He is retired and doesn’t have to work and spends the whole day there. It is making my mother feel pretty uncomfortable considering they share a bathroom and he uses it quite frequently. Like he actually goes in there probably twenty times a day and shes walked in on him a few times. (They do have locks but it’s only if you’re in the bathroom, you can’t lock it from the other side, like if someone wanted to get into her room from the bathroom she couldn’t lock them out). I’m just confused as to how this works. It just seems strange to have someone literally be there all day and just leave to sleep. What constitutes living somewhere? I mean I also feel as though the facility is kind of being taken advantage of too, because they are both basically living there. I don’t know, just wondering here. Any information would be great. I’m pretty pretty new to this all.
Thanks!
The husband should not be using the shared bathroom.
The husband needs to be told to use the visitor's bathroom and that needs to be enforced. This is a privacy violation unless you have a lock to keep the other side out when you are in. And this is a numbers of people issue and a cleanliness issue on the face of it.
That sounds like the simplest solution to me, as this man obviously loves his wife very much and wants to make sure she's being well taken care of, and probably feels lost at home without her. And I find it quite sweet that he wants to be there with his wife all day.
I know that when my late husband was in the hospital or in rehab, I would typically go to see him between 7:00-8:00 in the morning and not leave until 7:00-8:00 in the evening, as I had to be his mouth/voice as he couldn't speak much after having a massive stroke at the age of 48.
So perhaps if you don't want your mother changing rooms for whatever reason, a change in your perspective on this lonely man who just wants to spend every moment with the love of his life might just help.
When my relative's grandfather went into a nursing home after a debilitating stroke, his elderly wife was there every day. She came at breakfast to make sure he ate, and stayed until after supper. It was how they both got used to this new stage in their lives and relationship. It was actually very sweet to see how she kept him company. And I think it gave her purpose instead of being in their home alone.
https://casetext.com/regulation/tennessee-administrative-code/title-0720-health-facilities-commission/chapter-0720-21-standards-for-homes-for-the-aged/section-0720-21-11-resident-rights
I admire that the man is so devoted to his wife, and think he should be allowed to continue. However, the situation needs to be restructured so that he's not infringing on your mother's privacy and comfort.