I'm having a hard time getting my mother to do simple hygeine tasks, mainly concerning using the bathroom so she doesn't have accidents. I don't want her to feel attacked, but when asked to go to the bathroom and change because she had an accident, she gets very upset which is understandable accidents happen, but trying to prevent those accidents seems to upset her more. Any tips and tricks to help guide her smoothly would be much appreciated.
To help her with this transition: Buy disposable pull-ups for her to wear.
If she is reluctant, try replacing all her underwear in the drawer with the pull-ups.
Every 2 hours, tell her; " Come on, it's time to go use the restroom" and walk her there yourself. Stand by, on the other side of the door, if she wants privacy, but ready to help, and ask her if she wants some help. Leave the door cracked, so you can peak in and see how she is doing. The disposable pull up underwear tear apart easily on the side seam, for easy removal.
She may need help with wiping, with putting underwear on and off, and need a hand to help stand up off the toilet.
Leave some adult size pre-moistened washcloths nearby for thorough cleaning, along with a small waste container. If she is likely to flush them, do NOT let her. She will need supervision. Even so-called "flushable" wipes can cause an unwanted plumbing problem.
Just like you praise a dog for going outside, or a toddler who is potty-training, be sure to end on a positive note. Offer a treat or something pleasant she enjoys once she is settled back in her favorite chair after a successful bathroom visit.
It sounds like you live with your mother, so I would now start taking her to the bathroom every 2 hours and make sure she's using the toilet and cleaning her hands afterwards. And if that is too much for her then you'll have to go in with her and make sure she's wiped cleaned and that she washes her hands.
And of course it's time to make sure she's wearing Depends(or the like) all day and night which will help with any "accidents" she may have.
Dementia sucks and the best thing you can now do is educate yourself more about this horrific disease.
Also, consider medication for your Mom for depression, anxiety, mood, etc. Yes to the Teepa Snow videos, they helped me a lot.
Best wishes to you both.