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Our loved one needs help with all ADLs and he has been living in a personal care home with available care resources. He has been on hospice care for 6 months because he qualifies physically for the added care. The problem is that he refuses the care and his health is declining because of it. Both the home and hospice nurse say they can’t force him to accept the care. The situation is frustrating and infuriating because our loved one is sitting in soiled briefs for the entire day and their skin is breaking down. They are no longer ambulatory and can no longer transfer themselves to the toilet or bed and have repeated falls. Has anyone else ever had this experience? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Your loved one is on hospice because he's believed to have 6 months or less left to live. Nobody qualifies for hospice because they need "extra care"....the costs are astronomical and Medicare would never approve it. Not to mention hospice refuses to change his soiled brief.......🙄

The caregivers in this "personal care home" should know how to change your loved ones dirty briefs in spite of him not wanting them changed. When I worked in a Memory Care Assisted Living facility, the caregivers all knew how to change briefs on screaming and fighting residents.

If the CGs at this facility do not learn how to change briefs on an objectionable elder, they're all in for a world of hurt. Your loved one will develop sores and skin issues that can be fatal. You're paying for care. Make sure loved one GETS care or move him to a facility that will GIVE him proper care. And hire a new hospice company too. While you cannot physically place a fighting elder under a shower head, you CAN change his soiled brief in order to avoid lawsuits. I'd mention that word to this facility.

I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you good luck and Godspeed with a difficult situation.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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This is not acceptable at all. He needs to be moved to a place where he will be kept clean and dry. I would also report the facility for abuse.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Yes, by law they can't force him but there are ways to work around that. If my daughter has a resident that won't bathe she says "Mrs M, would you not feel so better all nice and smelly good with nice fresh clothes on." The answer then was yes and off they would go. I found with staff that they would ask "Do you want to get a showerer" Of course the answer was no. I told the aide to stop asking. Just say "time for a shower" and Mom went.

Why does husband want to sit in soiled Depends all day? If he is cognizant, then he can be reasoned with. Its causing his skin to break down and next bedsores that will hurt and get infected. Lets try to stop that from happening. I understand the law but, when him not allowing people to help with his care effects others, thats not right. Meaning the smell that is coming off him.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Hospice by standard offers three “comfort” drugs. Morphine, Ativan, and Haldol or Seroquel. The latter two are designed to quell agitation. Talk to the hospice nurse about upping the dosages of the latter so that he can be cared for before this proceeds to bedsores at which point you will then need morphine.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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