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I am in my late 20s and have been managing care for my mom who is 54 with brain cancer for 6 years.
After taking care of her while finishing school and working I moved to a different state and hired live-in caregivers as her physical and cognitive abilities worsened. I was about to move her into an adult family home 2 years ago when her siblings and mom intervened and believed she should stay at her house still. Now, we have plans to move her to the same state as her siblings at the end of this month.
She has a 9 year-old labradoodle and has had him for the last 8 years. Her caregivers, neighbors, and I primarily take care of the dog (when I visit every 1-2 months).
One of her brothers is offering to take her in and one is offering to take the dog. While I also love the dog and understand their bond, I can’t help but feel like we should rehome her dog now. I feel like he deserves better care from someone who can walk him more and take him on adventures. I’m getting stressed managing his care even in these last few weeks, but family members insist that they stay together. Should I be doing all I can to help them stay together or is it fair to put my foot down and stand up for the dog, too?

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I vote you do neither one. Let other family members figure this out while you bow out of caring for the dog. You’ve done an admirable job caring for your mom while launching as an adult. That’s a lot. Continue to build your life and future, spoken as a mom, this is the best way to make your mother proud. Don’t worry about the dog, others can handle it. I wish you and mom much peace
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ShirleyDot 22 hours ago
I agree, also as a mom. While I love dogs, they are resilient, and you need to stop worrying so much about the dog and focus on your own life as much as possible. Let her other family members take over. You have already given so much. Try to let them figure things out without you.
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Just tell your family no, you won't be caring for the dog. They can't force you to do that. You have enough on your plate. And I agree with you that the dog deserves to be a cherished pet in a loving home.

Good luck.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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These family members are annoying me a bit. You would think they might be able to appreciate the burden you as a young person starting out in life have been carrying these past 6 years, and of course will continue to do so as your poor mom declines. It’s horribly sad and tragic all around and I’m annoyed that they apparently let you arrange for a family home before intervening, then they want her in a different place, and now the drama about the dog. 😠
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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Caredaughter37 5 hours ago
I appreciate the shared frustration! It has been quite the toll on me and this made me feel more understood.
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If dealing with the dog is a nuisance, give it a peaceful end. Focus on your M.
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pamzimmrrt 6 hours ago
Boo!! A brother is willing to take the dog, why would you say to put it down? It's still a youngish dog.
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Tell them you can't handle the extra care of the dog but suggest they can chip in together to pay for a daily dog walker. Then your dying Mom gets to keep her beloved companion. It won't be forever.

Our close friends' son (age 33) is currently in his childhood home as his parents carry out in-home hospice at the end stages of his glioblastoma (after 8 years of battling). His dog is there with him. There's so little for him now... the dog's companionship and comforting presence is very precious.

Kudos to you for being there for her and the sacrifices you continue to make. May you be blessed!
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ArtistDaughter 7 hours ago
Right. If they want the dog and your mom to be together, then have them figure out how to make that happen. Please stop trying to please everyone. You are being good to your mom and you've been good to her dog. Now let the other family members take over.
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Let her brother take her in and let the other brother take in the dog. They are willing to take over, so let them. Mom will presumably get to see her dog often, which would be good for her. Rehoming the dog seems cruel and heartless when there's a family member willing to care for it so mom can be with her dog occasionally.

Step back, let go, and allow things to develop along a new line of thought. Methinks the situation won't last long once the brother taking care of mom gets a taste of what it's really like. Be prepared for the onslaught of new ideas, such as a facility where mom might be able to live. At that point, you just go along with what they propose and stay out of it. You've done enough. Be supportive of mom as best you can, but from a distance. You will no longer be in charge. You can get a life. Doesn't that seem like a great idea?? I wish you the best in making it happen.
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