Follow
Share

I’m thinking about getting him into a long term bed, hopefully in the same nursing home. I won’t be able to drive for 4/wks total.
I also have been caring for my mother who had a stroke 5yrs. ago. She is also in respite care so I can recuperate.
what are your thoughts about long term care for my husband? He is incontinent, I just went to tab top protective underwear for him.
Thanks

Find Care & Housing
Your husband needs long-term care, no question about it. With your mother to worry about also, and now your own accident, you have enough on your plate.

The long-term care facility will have a whole team of professional aides to take care of husband. His health will continue to decline, and it's best that he be there.
I'm very sorry you're in this situation, and I send best wishes for your own quick recovery.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to Fawnby
Report

It's doubtful you'll ever find a better time to make the transition,
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to cwillie
Report

Your body needs healing and rest. Take this seriously. Trying to be a caregiver to two people severely limits your ability to look out for your wellbeing. What good would you be to them if your health doesn’t improve or worsens? Keep your husband in care, hopefully mom can do the same. You’ll still be a caregiver, but one who’s rested enough to be their advocate, spouse, and daughter. I wish you peace
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

Bottom line here is that you matter too in this situation, and if placing your husband long term in the facility he's in now helps you take better care of you, I say by all means go for it.
That way you can get back to just being his loving wife and not his burned out and unhealthy caregiver.
Your mother too needs to get placed long term in a facility so you can just be her loving daughter and not her burned out overwhelmed caregiver.
Brain bleeds are nothing to mess around with and you now need to relinquish your caregiving duties to the caring staff at these facilities where your loved ones will receive the 24/7 they both now require, so you can heal properly.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report

What about both of them (your hubs and Mom) in the same LTC facility? You start by getting them assess for needing LTC by their primary doctors or the facility you are considering.

I'm so sorry for your fall... please make yourself the priority. Do you have any help or family members available to you, even if not local? You need to have a plan for the worst-case scenario, which is something more profound happens to you and are taken out of the picture. What will happen to your husband and Mom?
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

I agree with everyone about taking this seriously and taking care if yourself FIRST, which I doubt you have done in a long time. Depending on the circumstances of your fall and injury, maybe this is a time to look at a change for yourself, such as Assisted Living. Not meaning to dump yet another suggestion on you and overwhelm you, but as you're setting up placement for them, maybe you'll find a place that works for you to move into as well, selling your house if that's a safety risk. But in any case, please do your best to rest and let some others take care of you for a change. Good luck with it all and let us know how it goes, if you have time.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to MG8522
Report

My brother is taking care of mom’s care, he’s her POA. I will have to call places tomorrow and see what they can do for my husband, I may wait until another day to do it, I’m just not feeling well. I can’t think about it right now. Maybe when I get some sleep. My husband is 82 and I’m 62, so I’m not ready for assisted living just yet!
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to MissingHim
Report

You probably need to place both your mother and husband in long term care. If your home is not senior friendly, you might want to consider selling it and moving to independent living yourself.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JustAnon
Report
MissingHim Jun 23, 2026
My house is mostly one level. (Cape Cod style). I am 62, so stairs are not a problem. I could even put the laundry on the first floor easily. There is a bedroom that shares a wall with the bathroom. Easy. In fact, I think I will. I don’t really like to lug the laundry down the cellar stairs.

With that said, I will need a roommate really soon if my husband goes to long term care. I will be alone and I’m not good at that. I will probably need more than one roommate. I have two spare rooms.
The house is paid off, so taxes are about $450 a month. There is nowhere I could live that is cheaper than here.
(0)
Report
I would say, you have them both in respite care just make it permanent.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Please be very, very careful about finding roommates as you say you are probably going to look for some. There are a lot of people out there that seem very sweet and helpful, but are looking to scam anyone they can or are violent addicts. You need lots of references, background check and IMO a contract via a lawyer. The last thing you need are squatters that bring other people into your home and make your life a nightmare or a new "best friend: that cleans out your valuables or bank account while you are away one day. You may think that it is cheaper to live at home, but make sure you have a concrete of idea of when that is no longer a good idea. There are many people who post here asking for help with a new roof, new wheelchair ramp, etc. It can get expensive making a house safe.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JustAnon
Report

No one can answer this but you. If you are thinking about it, then it is probably time to get him into a long term stay.
Here's the good news. If in a month or two, you change your mind, or find it just isn't working out well for him, you can bring him home again! He's not a prisoner there. Try it out and see if this is the right answer.

You might consider making mom's stay permanent as well.

Does the nursing home have a section for Assisted Living or Independent living where you could move to for yourself, and be in close proximity to your husband and mother? It might be nice for all of you to have care as needed, and still be together - just a short walk away.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to CaringWifeAZ
Report

Rather than modifying your home to make the laundry easier, think about selling the house and moving to an independent senior living community. There, you will have people to socialize with. You may even find a community which includes different levels of care, so that your husband will be nearby.
I know, at 62, you're still young and independent. But for how long? This is a good time to make a positive move thinking about your future. Don't wait until a fall down the cellar stairs forces you to move. Or do you want to wait until you have dementia and can't make good decisions? Or maybe you think it will be time when you can no longer control your bladder or bowels or can't get up from the toilet. What will be your sign that you can no longer manage a house independently?

As JustAnon pointed out, it is very risky renting out rooms in your house to strangers! You are especially vulnerable if you are seeking roommates for company or companionship. There are people who will see this and take advantage of you! Just watch an episode or two of "Squatters" on A&E. Yikes!

People who are Not looking to take advantage probably don't want to socialize with you. They just want to mind their own business and privacy.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to CaringWifeAZ
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter